there will come a time in every "girl's" life

recentemente. sento come una ragazza che non sa come vivere.

i miss the days of this thing where i would write on and on and on with no point. or there would be a point, i would like to imagine, embedded in all the nonsense spewed from my fingertips. there are some good ones, here is prime example. this is a great medium for saying things i can't readily bring myself to say in person; there's no confrontation or choking up on my part. i guess that also makes me very much a coward and failure in social situations that exert extreme emotional cues or lofty decisions i'm not sure how to express.

indeed.

these days, however, i've been focusing all my efforts of these experiences in paper form where nary a person could ever dream of reading them and knowing what's causing my brain and emotional center (wherever it may be located as i'm not entirely sure i have a heart for those sort of things located anywhere in my body) to go haywire. I'm not used to being unstable as a girl. I've seen it happen to others and it scared the shit out of me. Never could i even fathom to think that something of that caliber could ever cause me the pains and stress that limit my functions, breaking me down into a stupid mess of female in the corner of a room.

i'm not ready for living. i don't need this thrust into girlhood. the expectations are high and unnecessary. does it matter that i'm well on my way to becoming a baby factory? that my purpose, if i even have one besides being president and ceo of a baby factory, will be realized through mediums other than myself? it's all a bit useless to think so...and what of it if i'll be gone soon?

Time to end this

Recently I have been occupied with doing absolutely nothing. Yeah, been keep busy these days (uh, seriously). I don't feel like reading, drawing, doing internets, even playing any video games. It's a sickly life after Harry Potter; he sucks the life right out of ya and there you are--dead on the cold, stone floors of Hogwarts where you learned all the magics in that helped to get you to where you used to be. But, then again, you end up reanimated for some reason, etc, etc. Much fun, eh? The stuff I am doing now is a result of hours of TV watching beforehand and attempts to be entertained through other methods. Here It shall go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Oh sweet Moses. What is the way by which we decide to make sure something goes our way? I've also had horrible problem and I wish to fucking GOD that I didn't have to leave L.A. the first weeks of August. (I never thought I'd ever say that since my arrival.) Goddamn conspiracy, I say. How does something like this happen twice within mere months of each other? I can't conceive the methods by which this atrocity has been committed. What is up with this unjust, improbable happening? I guess that leaves me to describe those last couple of sentences as rants, but other than that, this experience has left me throughly unsatisfied and quite angry since it has started. I can't really explain where this negative feeling stems from; at the moment I think that I've been feeling like this do to the fact that I've literally been rotting indoors for the last 4-7 days. It's not a pretty picture and it does get dreadfully oven-like here. Oh my god, it's been ridiculously boring. What the hell is up with the whole deal here? Fucking shit, mans. It's some horrible version of that show that was about those people who went through those deals that weren't like they were in the right universe. That's how I think I feel at the moment. I am also in need of some sort notebook for a serious task. Now. If there are any people wondering why this particular post is especially long I shall provide an obedient-type answer that I hope will help create a better understanding of how my mind works. Yeah ok.
Just to add a little bit on the end here: I think that there isn't a fair distraction from the world revolving around the Sunday gatherings. There is nowhere to hide anymore, I think, without being exposed and ultimately being questioned by some sort of angry authority. What am I gon' do about that? There is no longer some sort of safe haven!! What will become of the time spent instead of the other time? Oh, the damn conspiracies of the world working against me! Woe, woe to the unprepared and neglected. Seriously, what is going on in here right now? It can't be anything remotely good.
Perhaps I should add a tad more simply because it isn't really long enough for some sort of honest, good writing piece thing about the stupidness faced in this lifetime, but there.