July 25, 2013

real v. real

it may be observed that my real, real life rarely crosses my blog/internet life. occasionally it happens, mostly in incomprehensible fragments, but it is never on a daily basis (i go weeks, months where i neglect this thing). here's a peek into my tangible life: this is the most important thing i've been working on for over half my existence. that probably sounds base and untrue, but until i bear parasites in my belly this will take precedence in my life (well, even if i do end up with parasites in my belly that grow up to be doctors and lawyers and comedians, i'll still make this a top priority).

i started writing (real writing that features mood and stream of consciousness and the usage of pens) 12 years ago. everything within these notebooks consist of jottings and scribbles recorded (mostly*) everyday. it's more of a singular collection (featuring the life and times of me) that is ever expanding. this easily makes the top three of the greatest accomplishments in my life (despite the fact it has nothing to do with the world and i doubt the rest of the world would be into it). writing is the one of the consistent habits i have (i suppose the other main ones would be oral and general hygiene).

i've filled about eighteen notebooks; i lost one in milan and some of them have left over pages, but there's eighteen that i have to glance at and laugh at when retrospecting my naivete. the smaller, thinner moleskine ones are extensions to the main, larger notebook designated for the year (i have a tendency to write too much or too big or my drawings begin to take up more space). i'll be damned if i know how many words i've handwritten over the past decade and two years. let's just say it's many. many, many words. (*=there is tremendous gap in entries from late 2008-mid 2009...that time frame is a void of events, thoughts, people).
i detest hearing these called 'diaries' or 'journals'. it's not like they aren't, in a broad sense; it sounds so juvenile. the content of these things are anything but. i would say these are recordings. i'm starting a new one today after having debated with myself if i should. it seemed best to continue the tradition as it keeps track of my life, helps me to remember, and is the only thing that keeps me going (i was about to say this keeps me sane...perhaps it does. it's cathartic, at least).

July 24, 2013

fear and loathing

finally watched this in its entirety. it was as good as i anticipated it would be, even if the ending made me sad. sad in a way that was unexpected in terms of what happened between the characters.
in regards to victor...i just don't want to be clueless, naive lauren who waits calmly, earnestly, optimistically.

this gives too much insight.

i like shannyn sossamon's 90s/early 00s style with short hair. i couldn't believe she's part pinay. i was shocked in a phoebe cates way.

July 18, 2013

a good Man is hard to find.

i suppose it seems apt to believe this post is about me. what on this blog isn't? so. my days have been consumed with great viewing pleasures. of late, my obsession lies with gritty, dramatic cop thrillers from across the pond. maybe it's the way they speak "proper English" or how much more attractive detectives are or how much more sophisticated the crimes are and even more so elegant how conclusions are drawn....it's much more frighteningly methodical. i think it's the second reason why i like them so much. having finished watching sherlock oh so many months ago, and it was here i discovered something called benedict cumberbatch,

i began my descent into the underworld of cop dramas by way of Jack Taylor.

I hadn't noticed before, but Iain Glen is in a lot of films and televisions shows (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Resident Evil, Doctor Who, Downton Abbey, Coronation Street, GoT). Everywhere I turn he just pops up. Having seen him so much in his middle-aged, Scottish state in various forms of dress, I've succumbed to his rugged, highland attractiveness. Anyway, back to discussing this show. As a former guarda (cop) in Galway, Ireland, Jack Taylor works as a private investigator to solve mysteries and murders the police can't quite figure out. It's very John McClane. Anyway, Jack can be a terrible hardass who fucks this up impeccably. He can also be a compassionate man who figures everything out in the nick of time. he's not very likable, he gets into trouble with the law, he gets beat up by men in ski masks, he shoots off ears and blinds psychotic youths with stun guns--mostly while drunk. there's just a quality about this rogue character that's completely engrossing. the only jack taylor knows how to do (besides be very, very drunk) is find justice. even at the expense of others (ie: deaths, torture, whatever else). if you don't understand what i mean, then go ahead and watch the show. each episode is over 90 minutes so...it's best done when you've nothing too important to do except observe the iain glen as an irishman.

as of late i have been into this show called luther which stars idris elba as the title character. (mr. idris elba is an extremely attractive man who is further amplified into mega-attractiveness as he speaks proper english.) this cop thriller/drama is intense. i wasn't expecting it to entrance me so, i ended up watching two episodes griped in fear and wonder at everything happening. this show is about a cop who basically does anything he can to do the ultimate right thing, even at the expense of others. he doesn't always like to do it, but luther is too good at heart to turn down those in need. despite him being a good guy, he can turn into a frighteningly unstable mass of anger on par with the criminals he hunts down. mr. elba does a wonderful job portraying the different facets of who luther is: a father-figure, a dedicated enforcer of the law, a deeply troubled man, a controlled psycho, someone who wises he could escape his stressful life. i enjoy seeing how luther profiles suspects and is very spot on when it comes to breaking down their methods. it's so eerie. this show goes farther than believed and has left me utterly shocked. (i forgot about this: paul mcgann is in it. when i found out i was all "...oh. he looks different from when i last saw him.") i also fear visiting england as this show has opened my eyes to the sick individuals who could inhabit london (then again, this is true for any country....i suppose i'm just heavily influenced by this at the moment), but if someone like luther is out there then it won't be that bad.
i wish real men like these tv characters. i mean, in a sense of doing good and caring for the ones they love even when it's too late... at least letting them know. and wouldn't a trio of sherlock, taylor, and luther make an awesome crime-fighting team? you'd have the brains and the muscles and intimidation. even though sherlock isn't really set in the real, real world..

July 16, 2013

Falling apart Completely

bunny sadly wonders. bunny sadly waits. will doggy remember the way home.

July 4, 2013

The usa way

happy birthday, america. celebrating with a bang (i assume will be coming later) and a shark.

i kinda wish we were at a backyard bbq with self-operated pyrotechnics. it's too hot here.

July 3, 2013

Fuck the estate

100 exp. to anyone who understands the wonderful hidden play on words in the post title.
A fucking idiot asked me what i hoped to accomplish by the end of summer. the obvious answer, in lieu of the standard response of nothing, was to finishing reading the brothers karamazov (if only to quell my deep desire to heed nicholson's advice). having actually been thinking about how to waste my time, here's the updated list of what i'll be trying to do:

Finish reading A Song of Ice and Fire, up to the latest book. reading the actually novels is so much better than the show; i can make characters uglier or more attractive as opposed to their live action counter parts...and i actually remember the characters instead of wondering who the fuck the man in the tattered smock is.

Catullus. Getting you into my life; your words move me.

Anaïs Nin* why can't my life be as yours was?

French and Italians* because i miss it.

The return of bad habits on the balcony. It worked the first time and 2 liters of vodka will make it easier.

i can't think of anything else at the moment, only sensible activities like volunteering or interning or working at a godawful place. who wants to do shit like that? ... well, i do, to a lesser extent.

*here's a haul of free books i've taken into custody after raiding a vacant apartment. i'll keep them, adore them as they once were adored, and return them should the original owner(s) ask me nicely.

on a completely unrelated note, i am fucking obsessed with iain glen as jack taylor. it's the kind of show that you think might be absolute shite when you see jorah mormont skulking around galway in an oversized coat, but once you start watching it hooks you like some wonderful drug.