January 31, 2008

Realistic Pessimism unrealistically Hopeful.
who wants another smiley?

’tis the last day of January to post stuff for the ’08. It’s funny—he likes it when other guys pat him on the back, but won’t let them massage his back, prolonging the amount of time they’re physically contacting each other. That was one hilarious little bit. He also seeks out the obviousness of the situation, have things spelled out for him. Ok. More relevant or even relatable ramblings: If anyone remembers the old posts from last year or even in 2006 I did a lot of goodness with the movies that I watched (I think it technically started in October ’06 with all that Halloween schtuff). Well, let’s revisit that.

I watched this in class on Tuesday and Wednesday. It was, you know, overall good. Deep, deep philosophical shit--like what is happiness and how do you acquire it? What about luck or fortune? I thought it was more about the guilt involved with it...from the various stories that intertwined, most of those people were suffering. Alan Arkin was in it and I couldn't help but think of Gattaca and Little Miss Sunshine yet his character was marred with all the trouble and misery he had lived through. Frankie Faison as his co-worker friend was also portrayed well--he said a nice bit in the film that went like this "life makes sense when you look at it backwards; too bad we have to live it forwards".

January 25, 2008

Some shoddy come back this is

I haven’t been around for a while—I guess in a electrocommunicational way. Not that I don’t want to be found or something like that…I suppose I’m still in a state of self-discovery which needs a bit more time. Uhh. The news around here involves a general fatigue of things that used to appear so exciting and worth the time doing. And that cunning intercultural communications class is totally tripping me out on how to see others when I’m interacting with them. Much too much over processing of ideas.

Yeahhhhh. I can’t say if anything great has occurred, really, nothing has. I spend the days reading and sipping on tea. I’m still searching, looking, and waiting. Where the fuck is it?

January 7, 2008

More already?

The only way to feel.
The same sentiments.
Love, love, & love

And the whole process of thought in general is available right hurr.

January 5, 2008

I want you to know something,
something very important

Um. This is serious. I mean, major, majorly important for people who know me and don’t know about this already.

I’m taking a leave of absence from school. (Pay close attention to the LOA part—it may not be a permanent thing yet.) I feel bad, you know, because someone else suffers, to an extent, at this expense—a great pal of mine who I’ve known for ages. There are varied and numerous reasons for this decision and I had the most harrowing time deciding what would ultimately be the best for me. This may seem like a waste—like throwing away a good thing, but really, it isn’t the place for me. Scholastically, I find the place doesn’t cater to my needs and to be brutally, really, grotesquely honest I was planning on not attending next year or transferring…as soon as I could. Maybe I’m also a bummy cheapo, too, and education isn’t the first thing on my mind at the moment—there’s so much more I could do (Ahem, approved travel to intriguing locales around the world) with the cash that’s been flowing to the place. It’s so hard to admit it publicly; the feeling of being a fucking failure as well as being categorized with my other various relatives (not that it’s bad, although I could be implying a bit of genetics here) lays a heavy burden on my being and it ain’t a nice thing. And it’s not like I’m saying it’s a terrible educational establishment—it’s great if you know what you want to do and they’ve got the classes that’ll ultimately help you reach that goal. It’s a wonderful place with trees giving off fresh air galore and scenery rivaling even the best of those in the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy (New Zealand or something, I read it some time ago in some magazine of sorts). I might just need a break from the uncertainty of it all and to finally do a bit of what I’ve always wanted to do (there’s a fair amount of ‘em on a list much like the super b-b-bang one). I need to experience shit on my own and learn from all the fuck ups I’ve never had. This is one of the few times, if not only time, in my disintegrating youth where I can have a say in my educational life without being obscenely forced into doing things others think is good for me. How are they gonna know what I’m planning to do and what gives ‘em the authority to make me do what they want? I do feel insincere; a goddamn fake, a believable liar, a sleazy conniver and for all that, especially leading you on ever so willingly, I AM SORRY. Any wonderings regarding why I didn’t come forward earlier…I don’t know—all caught up in the hype of what college was supposed to be and what it actually turned out to be. Shit. This resembles a spiel I might go through if I were breaking up with someone I’d been seeing for a long time and the relationship was all right, but I wasn’t thinking it would go anywhere and still liked the person and wanted to be friends without sounding like a whiny, unknowing bitch who can’t figure out the fuck she wants. And, uh, people who don’t know me or never will because I’m not going to said school listed on the good ol’ facebook sorry for not getting to know you better/never meeting you. I don’t think this includes many people…and I doubt most of them care at all.

Maybe I’mma take this time to grow up, start caring, and function in the economic world.
I still feel miserable about breaking this news mostly in this ridiculous, impersonal fashion. The digital world makes it easy to confess while disguising the repercussions of words. I kinda wish for the simpler times of forced social deliverance.
I’m something with you, but I’m not nothing without you.

January 1, 2008

2008 already ain't great

I dislike the redundancy of posts, but I deem this impertinent to one of the main causes of “Verbal Punches!”. 2008 isn’t so much about some shit new resolutions (although there are some)—it’s all about living it up because, sadly, it’s my last year as a bona fide youth. I get all depressed thinking about getting older and all the things I haven’t done that I fucking shoulda when I was young and stupid. I just wasn’t stupid enough. In that sense my whole teenage years feel wasted. Think about it: you’re only 19 once, but you got seven years as a fucking teen to get into all sorts of trouble that you’ll probably regret—and don’t get me wrong, I have all sorts of regrets based mostly on ridiculous academic (see? see what kind of follies I think I’ve gotten into??) mishaps. Therefore my new approach for this year will be indifferently involved indefinitely. Well, I'm gonna have to make it work..

The Zombies - This Will be Our Year