Relating to an absent person

let's calculate: 140 days in korea. fathomable? yes. enjoyable? not entirely. everything feels so nostalgic and it triggers the trauma i've inadvertently harbored all these years.
it's all on me, isn't it? i've made it what it is, the intolerable days that go by (a lot easier to stand now) and the social suicide i've committed (not as prevalent, but still). hm. i make for a miserable existence.

anyway, there is concern for me from others, especially about looking like i should be in the sense of my age and my intentions. i understand what's meant, but doing that here?? questionable beyond reason. it's not like i want that attention..all the time or here, for that matter. this sounds ridiculous déjà vu. if you care to backtrack, please do and tell me i've said everything already.
from my recent readings...and film viewings on the youtube i have concluded (at least for me) death to be a romanticized aspect of life while love...oh, this absent, seemingly easy ritual of being--it's illusory and elusive and malignant. It won't ever arrive, will it? that isn't what i meant to say, i merely forgot the realization i made before. yet. i know that deep down inside, even before i read pere goriot, i never showed my love. BALZAC!!! why did you have to solidify my suspicions? this runs deep; i may never display affection or admiration blatantly. i fear relationships parallel to my parents. this cannot be. i don't want it to ever be.

actions to take place: risks, good deeds, some form of whatever included in love's realm with someone i share an undeniable & star cross'd affinity with (yes, there needs to be attraction on at least three levels).
isn't this a silly trifle.

Miser Musings on Music & Miscellaneousness

I suppose I'm content academically for the most part. Besides that I don't feel particularly jubilant over anything. Except maybe the 23^rd when I'll be back in L.A. and going to see Cold War Kids. Mediocre retribution; quite droll. The future makes me a little bit pleasant because there's some leeway in deciding what will happen. Oh ho.

Well, I have recently discovered some interesting musical things. The first being The Rapture. I had heard of them before, even contemplated purchasing there album sometime last October, but I had never actually listened to them. Unaware of the strange genre these kids belonged to (from my browsing around: Dance-Disco-Punk...?), I ventured to some site and watched a vid of 'Pieces of the People We Love' (on the website under "media") and--hooo shizznits--I was intrigued with wonder...The vibe I got from it was, like, late 50's early 60's kinda old school swingers/sexual hype. I think it was the dancing that made me reminisce about that time. Mm, yes. I found the song to be relatively catchy as well.

Here is the time for picture posting. OHHHhh~! I'm so excited.


Yes. Arctic Monkeys. I've been interested in their music for a while, but I hadn't given any second thoughts to them personally so I decided to investigate a bit. After listening to "Who the Fuck are Arctic Monkeys?" I commenced an image search and I was intrigued yet again. And I have the utmost feelings for Yorkshire things (people in general, men in a subcategory). Perusing the internets I discovered this whole unknown cove with awesome Arctic Monkeyness and I'm basically...enamored.
Of course I looked around some more and found this short film thing based on "When the Son Goes Down" called Scummy Man (pt 1, pt 2). It may be a few years old, but I found it to be a little disturbing. Yep.

Other music things include Art Brut, Babyshambles (Peter Doherty is interesting, reminds of a kid), and others..