Death Race of Modern life

with all the minutely frustrating events going on in my life, i find it odd for me to realize i'm a bad person. not bad in all sense of the word, but, like, making everything appear horrid to the extreme. i'll try not to exaggerate the aggravations. try.
so, im getting used to this loneliness. it's the inevitable. been like this for a while and...ehh. not just that it's easier to deal with, but it's a state i've been in for the longest time, throughout my life, which makes a little sense if you know my persoal history. hmm. what i can't figure out--it just doesn't make sense that i'd be this way considering where i come from (and, no, i'm not referencing my midwest days). polar opposite? The continuing divergence i strive for in every way possible?

it's finally getting unbearably warm. i'm looking forward to getting brown like usual. i really want to color up (responsibly) before i head back home. i knew i was gonna ghost up here; it looks so unhealthy...and i've been involved in these discussions about whiteness and i've been disturbed by the lengths some people (women) go to in order to shield themselves from the sun.
here's how i envision my summer to sound like.

Getting a vulgar high

Shit. I just had a whole house to myself for a week. in all honesty, it was fucking boring. most of the time i spent reminiscing about oxford and my other odd adventures--the good-looking, well dressed boys...moo-moos...walking everywhere with my feet dead. OH THE MOTHERFUCKING MEMORIES. i feel like i have no purpose back here and there needs to be scrupulous planning to alleviate this harrowing madness welling up inside. i'm being such a bum and regressing to procrastinating adolescence. soo fucking immature. that's a side note in addition to the fact that i'm really nor doing anything. sure, watching saving private ryan and the nutty professor (the first eddie murphy version) makes for a relatively pleasant night in...on a friday night...when you're 15. i guess.
what am i to do?

Love? SICK!!

last year i might've been a wee bit spiteful. i still hold some grudge against this day. well, i think i've gotten accustomed to loneliness. lived this way since i was a kid--ain't no escaping it.i know i've only got a little to say these days. i guess not much is going on and/or i'm too forgetful. leaving it.

know nothing, no?

uh, it feels like a regular normal day. it is. long day. who knew major grocer chains were ever more restricting about their damn coupons? well, lemme give a nice sum of my time spent in 2008. really, truly, it wasn't that great (as i predicted).

it started out rather awful and bland and devious, leaving me rather upset through the early months of the year. i'm still rather distraught and lonely. probably the most lonely year i've suffered through thus far (there will be others, but i haven't met 'em yet so..what more can i say?).
the upside of the year were the intriguing and beguiling musical ventures i experienced. that was good shit. for the most part. (oh tlsp. that were a good cute time.)
uh..also some of the school stuff, surprisingly, was decent. met some people. made short films, watched long films (kubrick-ified and coppola'd or foreign), and almost got tired of sex. almost. learned how to accept the eventual destruction of the surface of the earth and death. enjoyed early morning bob dylan, 69, and russian stories. did some crack 'o caine in the maths. mmms. better than what i woulda thought. arduous, yet entertaining.
cartoons/animated things were wonderfulness albeit a sad waste of time
i'm still a bum.

yeah. i aspire to complete close to nothing tomooorrow.
happy new nen. in, like trois heures pour moi.
oui, je parle français quelquefois.
そして日本語 を 話す も。