homegoing

i spent the last weekend in illinois. it felt disturbingly foreign. i mean, yes, that is my homeland, the only place that matters, where over 65% of my immediate family reside, the only place i've ever been that matters to me, but i got a sick sensation when i landed. i don;t know exactly why that happened...kind of like purging my body of where i was for the past 13 years and making me pure again.

i hope that's the reason why i felt so displaced.

 

waiting in the terminals at lax

empty...

the whole weekend trip was optimally enjoyable; i like seeing family, especially family that i grew up and partied hard with. the surprise birthday thing that had a free open bar=fun. talking about stuff=fun. visiting the places forever engrained in my memories (or..passed down biologically)=..not so fun, leaving me awe-stricken at the changes. Um. I went to this Bass Pro Store and it was amazing inside..I mean, I couldn't fathom how cool it was going to be despite my disdain for outdoor activities (curse you, into the wild!!). 

Here are some of the things you can find in your local store:

 

 

and here is a cat at my cousin's house that would not get off my bed. it always snuck into my room and claimed the bed as its official nap spot. i was kind of pissed...

 

and then there was this:

 

Some things from my journey to "the city" (when did that holy reference com into being?):

 

 

 

it was a surprisingly nice day.

Etc. oddities/items of amusement/interesting bits:

 

And my last night there I went with my younger cousins to "rage", as they say in the 'burbs. ...i have not blown that much since high school.
the ultimate downside of this journey was suffering the scourge of tiredness.
ie: homework was not touched.

the next time i talk about this sort of event going on, i'll be middle-aged with two or three kids and a shit job. But at least I'll have my frapanese scotsman, I'll be right pissed it I don't.

point great

you know when things are going great when...

-you can't stop smiling (not because of a funny thing) 

-everything seems beautiful you don't feel like being a homicidal maniac in a room full of people -there isn't an inclination to jump off a tall buildings or bridges 

-you spend the day outdoors willingly and not in a dark room, curled up into a fetal position 

-it's definite that someone is thinking about you even if they are miles upon miles away 

 ... 

 alas, these feelings are fleeting. how quickly it all changes to the way we were.

Showers for fools

Some important news:

-moving to geneva next week
-pregnant with my frapanese scotsman's baby
-dropping out
-set for life

-yeahh

hahahaa, it's fish day.

and other interests at the moment:
these things...

*this vid


*this song
here

*this place

I want to walk under that canopy of wisteria, hand-in-hand with my frapanese scotsman, imagining it's an 18^th century romance novel by some lovelorn, lonely English woman.

relief

FINALS ARE OVER!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!

I'm going to party, party, and then party.

My mind erases the learnings of roughly 90 days and are glad to do so.



Also..it's time for spring break!

You got me greening

Won't this month end already??? Totally unrelated to the succeeding bit down below there.


because you've got 8 minutes to spare before, during, and after chugging your Guinness and cheap, green beer.
and everybody, but everybody likes leprechauns.
except this one:

mad, mad, mad marzo

When you know you did something bad, but you don't have any guilt over having done it. That's what it's all about, you know.

youth follies

this a day seen less than once in a full moon.

more cracker than animal.
i don't know if this is significant at all, especially to those who've never met me in real life...but i cried myself to sleep last night and i woke up with tears in my eyes. That has never happened before, sadness enveloping me and ruining my day before i even remember i have phonology homework due in a few hours (that usually sends me into a fanatic panic mode where I try to rationalize and think out problem sets intended for a week's worth of pondering). In actuality, the event reducing me to this extreme reaction of misery set off a chain reaction of realizations of related incidents.

Loneliness, though tolerable, takes its toll and being abandoned doesn't help.
Rationalizing and connecting on the micro-scale have little use for me now if i'm just going to get fucked up (and not in the way i want).