farewell preparations

party had.

how I spent my summer (vacation)

it must be noted that this blog is officially seven years old. marvelous, but illaudable.

i honestly thought this summer was going to be absolute shit. some of it was and i loathed the idea of the season continuing for a few more months, but some nice things happened that almost made up for the awfulness. the worst part was the injuries i sustained. let's see...i got burned, cut up, bitten, bruised, etc. the burning was the worst--and all that was merely the physical damage i went through. other things effected my mental bits. this blog is not the medium to discuss such topics so let's have no more questions about my mental bits.
i had too much time to contemplate in a more intense state than i usually allot. from wandering all sides of the country, all the things i've seen and heard has brought made me realize: I've done everything wrong. it wasn't premeditated, i assume, it was the choices and the ultimate results that were so wrong. dang.
i've have fairly nice time rediscovering video games and cooking things (i made éclairs! they were really ugly, but they tasted good--probably because of the chocolate) and seeing nice people from my past. albert and i were able to do some traveling as well.

we'll be having a birthday party for him next week.

real v. real

it may be observed that my real, real life rarely crosses my blog/internet life. occasionally it happens, mostly in incomprehensible fragments, but it is never on a daily basis (i go weeks, months where i neglect this thing). here's a peek into my tangible life: this is the most important thing i've been working on for over half my existence. that probably sounds base and untrue, but until i bear parasites in my belly this will take precedence in my life (well, even if i do end up with parasites in my belly that grow up to be doctors and lawyers and comedians, i'll still make this a top priority).


i started writing (real writing that features mood and stream of consciousness and the usage of pens) 12 years ago. everything within these notebooks consist of jottings and scribbles recorded (mostly*) everyday. it's more of a singular collection (featuring the life and times of me) that is ever expanding. this easily makes the top three of the greatest accomplishments in my life (despite the fact it has nothing to do with the world and i doubt the rest of the world would be into it). writing is the one of the consistent habits i have (i suppose the other main ones would be oral and general hygiene).


i've filled about eighteen notebooks; i lost one in milan and some of them have left over pages, but there's eighteen that i have to glance at and laugh at when retrospecting my naivete. the smaller, thinner moleskine ones are extensions to the main, larger notebook designated for the year (i have a tendency to write too much or too big or my drawings begin to take up more space). i'll be damned if i know how many words i've handwritten over the past decade and two years. let's just say it's many. many, many words. (*=there is tremendous gap in entries from late 2008-mid 2009...that time frame is a void of events, thoughts, people).
i detest hearing these called 'diaries' or 'journals'. it's not like they aren't, in a broad sense; it sounds so juvenile. the content of these things are anything but. i would say these are recordings. i'm starting a new one today after having debated with myself if i should. it seemed best to continue the tradition as it keeps track of my life, helps me to remember, and is the only thing that keeps me going (i was about to say this keeps me sane...perhaps it does. it's cathartic, at least).

fear and loathing

finally watched this in its entirety. it was as good as i anticipated it would be, even if the ending made me sad. sad in a way that was unexpected in terms of what happened between the characters.
in regards to victor...i just don't want to be clueless, naive lauren who waits calmly, earnestly, optimistically.


this gives too much insight.


i like shannyn sossamon's 90s/early 00s style with short hair. i couldn't believe she's part pinay. i was shocked in a phoebe cates way.

a good Man is hard to find.

i suppose it seems apt to believe this post is about me. what on this blog isn't? so. my days have been consumed with great viewing pleasures. of late, my obsession lies with gritty, dramatic cop thrillers from across the pond. maybe it's the way they speak "proper English" or how much more attractive detectives are or how much more sophisticated the crimes are and even more so elegant how conclusions are drawn....it's much more frighteningly methodical. i think it's the second reason why i like them so much. having finished watching sherlock oh so many months ago, and it was here i discovered something called benedict cumberbatch,

i began my descent into the underworld of cop dramas by way of Jack Taylor.


I hadn't noticed before, but Iain Glen is in a lot of films and televisions shows (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Resident Evil, Doctor Who, Downton Abbey, Coronation Street, GoT). Everywhere I turn he just pops up. Having seen him so much in his middle-aged, Scottish state in various forms of dress, I've succumbed to his rugged, highland attractiveness. Anyway, back to discussing this show. As a former guarda (cop) in Galway, Ireland, Jack Taylor works as a private investigator to solve mysteries and murders the police can't quite figure out. It's very John McClane. Anyway, Jack can be a terrible hardass who fucks this up impeccably. He can also be a compassionate man who figures everything out in the nick of time. he's not very likable, he gets into trouble with the law, he gets beat up by men in ski masks, he shoots off ears and blinds psychotic youths with stun guns--mostly while drunk. there's just a quality about this rogue character that's completely engrossing. the only jack taylor knows how to do (besides be very, very drunk) is find justice. even at the expense of others (ie: deaths, torture, whatever else). if you don't understand what i mean, then go ahead and watch the show. each episode is over 90 minutes so...it's best done when you've nothing too important to do except observe the iain glen as an irishman.


as of late i have been into this show called luther which stars idris elba as the title character. (mr. idris elba is an extremely attractive man who is further amplified into mega-attractiveness as he speaks proper english.) this cop thriller/drama is intense. i wasn't expecting it to entrance me so, i ended up watching two episodes griped in fear and wonder at everything happening. this show is about a cop who basically does anything he can to do the ultimate right thing, even at the expense of others. he doesn't always like to do it, but luther is too good at heart to turn down those in need. despite him being a good guy, he can turn into a frighteningly unstable mass of anger on par with the criminals he hunts down. mr. elba does a wonderful job portraying the different facets of who luther is: a father-figure, a dedicated enforcer of the law, a deeply troubled man, a controlled psycho, someone who wises he could escape his stressful life. i enjoy seeing how luther profiles suspects and is very spot on when it comes to breaking down their methods. it's so eerie. this show goes farther than believed and has left me utterly shocked. (i forgot about this: paul mcgann is in it. when i found out i was all "...oh. he looks different from when i last saw him.") i also fear visiting england as this show has opened my eyes to the sick individuals who could inhabit london (then again, this is true for any country....i suppose i'm just heavily influenced by this at the moment), but if someone like luther is out there then it won't be that bad.
i wish real men like these tv characters. i mean, in a sense of doing good and caring for the ones they love even when it's too late... at least letting them know. and wouldn't a trio of sherlock, taylor, and luther make an awesome crime-fighting team? you'd have the brains and the muscles and intimidation. even though sherlock isn't really set in the real, real world..

Falling apart Completely

bunny sadly wonders. bunny sadly waits. will doggy remember the way home.

The usa way

happy birthday, america. celebrating with a bang (i assume will be coming later) and a shark.


i kinda wish we were at a backyard bbq with self-operated pyrotechnics. it's too hot here.