Breaks for fasts

i should be all over this educational part of my life where i'm part of the sheep, singing and dancing around to mercy,and enjoying grass. I should be. It's high time I became a sweater worn by the upper echelons of society. Digressing: I was going crazy these past three days. Waiting until I hit up the educationing again.

Onward kids on shoulders

it is the expected time for me to be done with ....things. memories of that all night arcade event have increased their recurring frequencies. laser tag run-ins that make me blush; it was a spectacularly awkward time.

anywhats, i have a transitioning ceremony event of sorts to deal with in a few hours. i am no more excited than i am anxious and nauseous, which is a fair amount considering the stress and depression settling like heavy anchors in the pit of my belly.

ughh.

together this feeling

It's coming close to the end.



i would be lying if i didn't say this was happening too fast.
watch the world burn with me.

Into Future

"The next to last poem is about a young married woman and mother who is plainly having what it refers to here in my old marriage manual as an extramarital love affair. ...she comes into the poem just when that cornet of his is doing something extraordinarily effective, and I see her as a terribly pretty girl, moderately intelligent, immoderately unhappy, and not unlikely living a block or two away from the Metropolitan Museum of Art. She comes home very late one night from a tryst--in my mind, blearly and lipstick smeared--to find a balloon on her bedspread. Someone has simply left it there. The poet doesn't say, but it can't be anything but a large, inflated toy balloon, probably green, like Central Park in spring."

Vicious

i am going to stop. i am going to stop. i am going to stop. i am going to stop. i am going to stop. i am going to stop. i am going to stop. i am going to stop. i am going to stop. i am going to stop.
why am i being more amoral than usual these days?
...
the feeling, it is so good.

homegoing

i spent the last weekend in illinois. it felt disturbingly foreign. i mean, yes, that is my homeland, the only place that matters, where over 65% of my immediate family reside, the only place i've ever been that matters to me, but i got a sick sensation when i landed. i don;t know exactly why that happened...kind of like purging my body of where i was for the past 13 years and making me pure again.

i hope that's the reason why i felt so displaced.

 

waiting in the terminals at lax

empty...

the whole weekend trip was optimally enjoyable; i like seeing family, especially family that i grew up and partied hard with. the surprise birthday thing that had a free open bar=fun. talking about stuff=fun. visiting the places forever engrained in my memories (or..passed down biologically)=..not so fun, leaving me awe-stricken at the changes. Um. I went to this Bass Pro Store and it was amazing inside..I mean, I couldn't fathom how cool it was going to be despite my disdain for outdoor activities (curse you, into the wild!!). 

Here are some of the things you can find in your local store:

 

 

and here is a cat at my cousin's house that would not get off my bed. it always snuck into my room and claimed the bed as its official nap spot. i was kind of pissed...

 

and then there was this:

 

Some things from my journey to "the city" (when did that holy reference com into being?):

 

 

 

it was a surprisingly nice day.

Etc. oddities/items of amusement/interesting bits:

 

And my last night there I went with my younger cousins to "rage", as they say in the 'burbs. ...i have not blown that much since high school.
the ultimate downside of this journey was suffering the scourge of tiredness.
ie: homework was not touched.

the next time i talk about this sort of event going on, i'll be middle-aged with two or three kids and a shit job. But at least I'll have my frapanese scotsman, I'll be right pissed it I don't.

point great

you know when things are going great when...

-you can't stop smiling (not because of a funny thing) 

-everything seems beautiful you don't feel like being a homicidal maniac in a room full of people -there isn't an inclination to jump off a tall buildings or bridges 

-you spend the day outdoors willingly and not in a dark room, curled up into a fetal position 

-it's definite that someone is thinking about you even if they are miles upon miles away 

 ... 

 alas, these feelings are fleeting. how quickly it all changes to the way we were.