Coke & Porn

i was recently called "promiscuous".

in real life i am certainly not "characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, especially having relations with a number of partners on a casual basis; heedless or irregular". personally, it's not a safe sounding thing for me to do. would i ever enjoy it? only if i was with the kind of guys I like i took significant offense to that comment because this person knows nothing, didn't take the fucking time to get to know, and made the stupidest assumptions about me. there's a gigantic difference between fucking around and trying to make friends. aside from making me all kinds of angry, it was so pathetic, so sad to realize there are skeevy jerks with who act skeevy because some bitch slut in their past really fucked them over in every way imaginable. and i mean there is nothing left of the happy, functioning person ths once was. they aren't men anymore--they've morphed into miserly creatures who wreck "revenge" and continue the circle of self-depreciation in meaningless sexcapades. yes, it's atrocious what happened to you. yes, i wish i could go back in time and warn you/personally make life better for you/tell you that fucking around with random girls because everyone's doing it is a dumbass thing. but what you've become...what you're trying to do now, that same old trick of fuck and dump...it doesn't work on smart girls. it never works on pretty girls.

and all that shit about knowing me, being like me?
you don't know what i am.
so fuck you. fuck your faux truffaut shit. i can find someone so much better, not to mention more attractive to "lock [ourselves] away from the world and make love and talk about how much life sucks".
at least i don't have STDs or STIs.
gook luck mending your wounds, psycho.

give it to me, tom turkey

happy thanksgiving. i can recall the days when i was applying for college and so fucking full of hope. ah. the good ol' days.
also like those days, turkey will not be consumed in my household this year. it's not my thing to eat birds.

breaking

i truly miss the days when i would simply write on and on about irrelevant topics usually reflecting on my day and such. Most time there was absolutely no continuity between whatever I was typing up. God and the ambiguity I tried to keep up. I like to believe that it worked anyway. There was actually a time when no one dared to look at, let alone read, anything that was posted here. Yet here we are.
honestly,there is no reason to keep this blog up. its original purpose has been lost amidst all the mopey shit and semi-sequitur things that have gone on in the last six(!!) years. there is uncertainty as to whether this will continue; certainly those who have glanced at this bit of work have noticed the decline in writings with poignant content. well, in any case, i still want to keep it up to date with a few happenings.
something i've noticed over as the weeks have gone by is the frequency of odd and frightening dreams drempt. i wake up believing they are real and my emotions range from fear to anger. mostly limited to those two. and it's so odd; these dreams only occur the second time i've fallen back asleep. you know like when you wake up really early, maybe three or four, and then fall into slumber again after a minute? that's when the darkest thoughts creep out and manifest themselves in mental visions. at least for me. it is a very scary thing.
in any discernible case, this is a dribble of no nonsense suitable for people to consider. and i'm not feeling particularly great. it's very lonely here. lonely like when you're surrounded by others, but there isn't a connection with anything.i only wish this were longer.