core no viet just Flip. Get it Right.

ok, I should stop with any expectations. i think my new course of action is extreme impassiveness regarding anything i get remotely excited about. also, i want to be, how do you say...decisive? anyway, this "i don't know"/"maybe"/"i don't care" phase has been pwning me for the past three or four years. at times i can make up my mind...perhaps distractions.
i'm not fucking southeast asian all the way--that mistake has pissed me off throughout my time here.

in an unrelated note, i was thinking these past few days..about how i feel overall, really focusing on high school times to now. this is what i deduced:

my level of happiness is on the low end near that purpley sad faced fool. i think it's something i've felt predominantly throughout senior year of high school up til now. i laugh and there are few things i've claimed have made me happy, but these are all fleeting. i would like to find something that gets me towards the orange.

divergently, here are some great interview tips. i do #4 constantly, wherever.

dreaming of summer sauntering in Echo park. W/O hipsters.

oh me. oh may. now intonate invariably to speak in a new language. maybe. anyway. this month was kinda enjoyable. maybe because i saw some people i'd been wanting to see and i didn't work as much as the two previous months. not so stressed anymore (except dealing with 1^st & 2^nd). i'm trying to make this the best month ever...at least before august and september. so, i'll try to keep low expectations and whatever eagerness still lingers for any upcoming events.

also, since it's been getting warmer (the weather here is...not at all to my liking) i've been craving to bust out in dresses or skirts. however. not here. no. i want to; alternatively, i figure it would bring unwanted attention from those i don't care to become the object of interest. anyway here's my summer cloths (i mean cloth + s, not a typo) lust list thus far:

Dresses:

i like that it's babydoll. the print kinda reminds me of tigers. it's kinda a nite time summer dress; good for fall transistion, no?
at OC.

This is adorable and oc-ish, but for cheaps. cheapers. i'm into those trippy, messier (galactical, refer to this French Guy) colors.

madewelll..
to be honest, i'm totally diggin' in a ton of that madewell stuff. like, so seriously.


rag and bone stripey. it reminds me of that thrift store tshirt i left in l.a., but this is longer and with pockets and more $$.

i can't get the picture for the last one, but its from uo.

and.... Hermès. i think the durn kellys and birkins have begun to infect my brain. here would be a cheap alternative (though, looks like it wouldn't hold heavy shit):

at coc.

free underwear

get your thongs here. it's FREE.
humorous, no?

boys, Boys, the perpetual distraction

i'm rather happy i found this bit of awesomeness: jaw porn. holy. it doesn't hurt that the faces attached to the jaws are also mighty fine. i died when paul rudd popped up; pleasantly surprised james franco has a younger brother who looks nice too. i crave some variety in guys (totally nonexistent/lacking here) and this provided a good fix. i find myself craning my neck to check out any white guys within my vicinity (the last time i saw a relatively acceptable one was in 대구). ....i really, really miss seeing shitloads of white guys that are actually appealing. like seriously.

now for a shameful bit. and you thought sexy jaws were embarrassing (ooh, the scraggly beards above all~): let me give a throw back to mr. alex turner. i tend not to think about him as much these days. but. i've watched a helluva lotta korean tv, much to my dismay, and seen this one bloke who i found to resemble my old infatuation. he's also in music and alternates the short/long-shag hair. it's 민호 from 샤이니. i think there's some semblance. see here:

AND

similarities, no?
quite possibly a hair connection. i like the juxtaposition of cute: the boderlining on ultra-feminity good boy and the kinda bad-ass. also the fact that they're not even the same ethnicity intrigues me.

conclusion:
a)i still like cute guys
b)i am now searching for my available hoppa alex turner & 민호 guy (like i wasn't already doing the former..)

whawhat, you Changed, girl.

i feel significantly different for some reason. it's been this way since last friday, maybe? i don't think i'm the way i used to be; not saying anything really dramatic (like, physically) has happened. it ain't the same. it's a little difficult to explain and it's almost as if everything i say is like a broken record, stuck on repeat.

too much wondering. i think.
also, i'm starting my transition from dance-y electronic music to bluesy rock/r'n'b/funk. hello black keys, sharon jones, and joe tex.

and growing out my hair is a bitch. it's in that awkward phase where it's all in my face and wavy where i don't want it to be--the epic question to answer: to bang or not to bang?

one hundred: Missing the real sun and smog

i counted yesterday. the results are in. i've been in south korea for 100 days. Seriously. i know that really isn't that many, but it freaks the shit out of me when i realize how long it's actually been. i think i'm going through the mid-life crisis of teaching here; the intrigue and wonder of being away from home/things i'm used to has waned significantly. take today, for example, my students were a lil bit difficult to deal with and i was all acting like i kinda didn't care (i really didn't know what to say considering they probably wouldn't understand). i'm very tired. trying to recover from last week's trips. ....
hmm, days are getting less tolerable. the time passes faster, i've noticed. i can't really say how i feel without sounding completely disconcerting to some.

my ideas for topics to teach and games to play are nearly exhausted.

Too back and blue

gone for while, i think. shit's happened. my week off was generally uneventful and the moment i anticipated for so long was, like.......a little bit of a let down. at least i didn't have to work. some of my students supposedly missed me, but they didn't really show it.
ugh. i want to go home, to my real home..although there are problems there, too. seems like everywhere i go i get obscenely unhappy/disappointed within an extended period of time. i think i'm starting to constantly look sad. i find myself dreaming of other (better) places like i used to: staring out windows and wondering. goddamn.

when i do get back to america, to fucking california, i swear i'mma eat some delicious things regardless of what it originally came from. but i promise to stop before school and dally with the idea of veganism (however, i quite adore leather...). speaking of real, my future pending school, i have decided to ucla. it mostly pains me to say that; i feel like such a part of the majority..to justify my decision i have to admit that it seriously is the best school for my major (and the cheapest and the easiest to get into considering the other top choices were mit, caltech, and nyu--none of which i dared to apply to). i'm mostly concerned with where i'mma be living; there is no way in fucking hell i want to dorm. no way. it's so expensive around there. eeesh.

tangentially, i want to show what i've been currently obsessing over: two tone leggings--opaque and sheer à la AA and OC.
i think the obvious purchasing choice would be american apparel, plus, i like the contrast with that one better. and after seeing this one picture of lily allen i totally want to expose my ass this summer. or...this year. i seriously want to showcase that feature since i've always kinda figured my bum was awesome. like, something i've actually been proud of other than my hands. god, i miss dressing nice. i feel if i pull any of that shit here i'll be eyed in ways that will give me even more nightmares. i don't want no attention from the guys here. no.
lastly, i have found that i have been listening to music that sounds as if it could be played in the background of a porno. porno soundtrack-ish music. i loves it like this



and that.