ok, I should stop with any expectations. i think my new course of action is extreme impassiveness regarding anything i get remotely excited about. also, i want to be, how do you say...decisive? anyway, this "i don't know"/"maybe"/"i don't care" phase has been pwning me for the past three or four years. at times i can make up my mind...perhaps distractions. i'm not fucking southeast asian all the way--that mistake has pissed me off throughout my time here.
in an unrelated note, i was thinking these past few days..about how i feel overall, really focusing on high school times to now. this is what i deduced:
my level of happiness is on the low end near that purpley sad faced fool. i think it's something i've felt predominantly throughout senior year of high school up til now. i laugh and there are few things i've claimed have made me happy, but these are all fleeting. i would like to find something that gets me towards the orange.
divergently, here are some great interview tips. i do #4 constantly, wherever.
today is post-worthy! for some odd reason i woke up around three AM, unable to sleep (i tossed and turned distraught over thoughts of slender man...), finally deciding to watch old simpsons treehouse of horror episodes.
i fell asleep on the third one...had no idea that today would reall, truly bear news of intrigue, excitement, and general horror. by the end of the month i will no longer be wasting away in this shit-ridden, overeating with chemically enhanced foodstuffs, water-wasting, mostly education ignoring country! ok, this news came about around 8 or so when i thought, "what the hell, i'll go online." checking my email i come across this congratulations deal and ... that's how it went down. oh my god. my initial reaction was nonchalant and kinda glad i got it, but it hit home hard when i realised what this job meant..i am fucking apprehensive, terrified, and generally aroused, not sexually.
i booked a job interview (yay to trial careers!) and i'm on the fence about what to do it i do well. i'd so like to get away from here for a while, but i worry about the things i'm leaving behind, namely the animals living with me, specifically the ones with wings.
nonstop thinking of the divine Mr. Mysterious. alls i know about him is that he'll be transferring to USC for the spring semester. i detest that school, for some reason. they don't even have what i want major in and their colors are..ehm, not to my liking.
i have bug bites again and they're in unfavorable places. it's obscene where these creatures are sucking me. why is my blood so tasty? i've already done a reference. aren't you proud for figuring that out? uhm. i've planned most of everything out for fall. which is upcoming and not something at all to look forward to. i'm surprised i was able to have a two-day school week; of course it's about ten hours per day, but i have a four day weekend and midweek break. more time to frolic about being incompetent. unless i get a job (plausible) or volunteer (perhaps i need to) or become an intern or work on college applications (most likely, then). i can't fucking believe i've gotta go through this shit for a second time and i'm not even going to grad school yet. it's hell and i promised my li'l teenaged self that i wouldn't have to suffer again. well, i'm definitely a liar. now that we've established that, won't you please peruse through the older posts to see if you can decipher the true from false? and, yes, i'm part of the crew interested in la roux these days. who can possibly resist "growing pains" or any of those delicious dancey synths? or the crroooning.
I’m thinking about whether I should get those tickets for the HARD NYE thing in L.A. There’s one factor that would really push me to make the purchase… So, I guess I’m gonna try to go. Terrible scheming must be done, but I know that it’ll all be worth it—if anyone wants to hang with me over there gimme a holla. I don’t know...yeah? I’m really looking forward to the end of this quarter of school. I’m so sick of the mandatory core thing, but I’m upset that I might never see some of those people (um, guys, rather) from my lit class. They were the primary reason I got up and dragged my tired ass to lecture…especially on Fridays. Well, hopefully there are other nice things I’ve yet to discover and I’m excited about that. I guess. Lazy days. And The handmaid’s tale presents a horrible perspective on the future of women. I am terrified and disgusted. It's also the first day of December. I still think it's way early to be promoting Christmas stuff, just like last year when I heard all those x-mas songs everywhere and thinking, ""What the fuck? It's not even the right time of the year or Decemb--oh yeah, it is December, but still--waaayy too early for this stuff." Oh joy, the upcoming month of unnecessary spending—I’m gonna get me some work.
