one hundred: Missing the real sun and smog

i counted yesterday. the results are in. i've been in south korea for 100 days. Seriously. i know that really isn't that many, but it freaks the shit out of me when i realize how long it's actually been. i think i'm going through the mid-life crisis of teaching here; the intrigue and wonder of being away from home/things i'm used to has waned significantly. take today, for example, my students were a lil bit difficult to deal with and i was all acting like i kinda didn't care (i really didn't know what to say considering they probably wouldn't understand). i'm very tired. trying to recover from last week's trips. ....
hmm, days are getting less tolerable. the time passes faster, i've noticed. i can't really say how i feel without sounding completely disconcerting to some.

my ideas for topics to teach and games to play are nearly exhausted.

the Calm before a storm, badness on the Rise

it was surprising that today was actually really, really nice. i had to teach kindergarten mostly by myself (trying to quiet down and keep the interest of thirty kids under 6 is daunting in any respect, i think), but i survived! it's actually me conjuring up this post to surmise my day, as far as you know. second grade was easier to handle; three students from the usual 10-12 since we split the classes like it was supposed to be. although, trying to teach bingo is a very difficult task...and fourth grade! new student! forever bingo part 2 with no winners.

I really don't want to be evaluated tomorrow. It's seriously too much pressure..but it'll be over in a jiffy, probably and depending on how long the principal and vice principal stay to watch me , and i'll look back and laugh at how much anxiety i thought i had at the time.

i've come to realize that, despite it all, i adore the children. yeah, i definitely have favorites (i think all the little boys with glasses are absolutely tops..maybe i sympathize the fact they have poor eyesight, but i've always had a fondness for people with glasses); i think the 금반 kindergarteners are my all time faves..maybe tied with the kindergarteners and some second graders at 안의...i totally think there's a second grader who likes me too much...i mean, he's jumped on me, scared me nearly shitless (the sneak-behind-your-target-and-yell-when-he/she-turns-around tactic was employed), and always want to do the dancing singing activities with me. if another kid tried to intervene and do anything with me he gets kinda violent (ie: kicking). and he resembles jonathan taylor thomas. a little.
i would have to say the only aspect of life here i really can't stand is...where i'm situated and sometimes the food. it's interesting how i find that i'm not really as lonely as usual. at least..i think i'm not as lonely. on the outside?

--One of those types; the submissive, good at cooking, prolly freak-ay ones

i can't fucking believe there are even more people here who think i'm married. couldn't make sense of it when accusations arose in l.a. it may have been even less logical when i was interrogated (..hahaha, lying is such a good way to make best friends and find out who's bimbo-tastic) in europe. the weird thing was i wasn't even wearing that ring that usually makes people think i've been cleaning/cooking/maintaining in a home and having that good ol' sex every night. People generally think i do the latter frequently....i wonder how i exude that sort of vibe (it's the quiet and mysterious aspect of my mien)?
onto whatever it was i wanted to put here. today. my first day teaching at the last school i've been assigned. i really totally loved the kids there. they were so well behaved and knew english so much better than my other students..i had the most fun conducting a draw and spell game with my fifth and sixth graders. *sigh* i need to bring candy next time for the winning team. on that note, my monetary funds are diminishing. the weekend really killed it and i feel awful having people to pay for me (especially the sneaky kinds, it's like i'm back home watching middle aged family members go cut throat for the bill at a restaurant).

since i been in hamyang, i feel as if i never have enough time for anything anymore. maybe my priorities are all mixed up. there just ain't no time.

teacher, teacher

i was so stressed today. so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so (yes, i'm typing this) stressed. It turned out all righht. I only really taught one class kinda on my own and it was my favorite: kindergarten~! most of them knew their abcs and could count to ten. that was awesome--plus they are super adorable. i hope to get pictures of them sooonn (i loved this little girl with pigtails~~so cute!! and she would raise her hand and say stuff about stuff from my mini ppt intro). 1st/2nd grade was hard to deal with...those boys were a naughty bunch. dancing/jumping/not participating/playing during the lesson. i tried to discipline/get them in order, but they dared to defy me! god..i'm really not accustomed to being an authority figure and being in the teacher's seat feels so weird (i was about to say wrong). fourth grade is a little better, they understand the englishes quite well. they were singing an "i can" song (it might've been from barney...which i watched today. freaked me out a little). i think next time i could be on my own more, but i get stuck with cristal i'd be a little more relieved and make lesson plans with her. damn, why don't i have a fucking korean scholar? but..it's a helluva lot easier to talk with her and she's teaching me korean.

Make ya speaks a good Englisher; unicorns

oh my fucking god. i had my first class today and i didn't think it would be that difficult to do since i sat in & participated in a real class earlier in the day, but--like this doesn't routinely happen--i was WRONG. i didn't know they expected me to just start teaching, getting all the kids together and stuff...it was overwhelming because i was so unprepared...(that fault is all mine). most of those kids, especially the third and fourth graders i had today, were a rowdy bunch who wouldn't listen to me. they really kinda pissed me off. ending my rather horrid day at work was receiving a phone call from a certain somebody i've been meaning to contact and was going to today--it was just so fucking weird that he sorta read my mind/was thinking the same thing, all psychic about it, and i got a ring from him in one of the more awkward locations (ie: in the backseat of a teacher's car while he was giving me a ride home). luckily only one other person was adept in english and didn't know who i was talking to so (and could prolly understand my predicament) he didn't really care. the uncomfortableness got kicked up a notch when i had to have a little looksee at that other english teacher's house. very, very strange because i was still, rudely i speculate, on the phone with that guy.

looking forward to teaching tomorrow? um...at least this time i have an idea in mind.

boobs are the national symbol of power in my country. Not South Korea.

i am here in hamyang. a small, unexciting from my experience thus far, and generally older people populated ville. i found out this week that i must teach at three different schools. oh. what. the fuck. i really wish they had informed me earlier, like when i found out where i would be going. i shoulda given a preference as to where i wanted to be situated (like actual civilization and my family in those places). but. what's done is done and will be here until the end of july. if i really think about, i can't even begin to fathom how i'll survive here. i'm sooo relieved i'm not living in this town alone and that the people from the program are fluently korean. i'm still working on my basic talking and understanding skills--honestly, i know nothing!
i'll be starting to teach on mon. anxious more than excited. there are so many things i don't know that i need to know before i go in a room with little kids who will barely understand what i'm saying...

anyway, back to the basic practices of this blog:


this is the view from my apt. i like the cloudy mountain feature, it's asianically cinematic..kinda.
even though i've been in south korea for over a month, it still doesn't feel like i'm in korea. it's difficult to explain; it's as if i'm in an alternate universe that brings me back to my childhood...when i was with my mom and other koreans...usually in a religious or familial setting. except this time she's not here to explain and, uh, defend, in a way. oh mans. there have been numerous odd occurrences. some of them are a result of word mix ups. hm. it's just...a distantly familiar feeling.

It's something like My First Time

i just had my first real teaching experience. it was a sorry attempt at best. i don't know if i'm cut out to teach, to deal with children to say the least since i am not particularly fond of every one. everything we did reminded me of my youth; going to camps for a few days, engaging in songs, being talked at in a language i don't know well or at all. ahh, the memories of those enjoyably forced times.

in another note: so shocked to hear alexander mcqueen is dead. not even trying to kid.

causes of concern: so long for 6

today is post-worthy! for some odd reason i woke up around three AM, unable to sleep (i tossed and turned distraught over thoughts of slender man...), finally deciding to watch old simpsons treehouse of horror episodes.


i fell asleep on the third one...had no idea that today would reall, truly bear news of intrigue, excitement, and general horror. by the end of the month i will no longer be wasting away in this shit-ridden, overeating with chemically enhanced foodstuffs, water-wasting, mostly education ignoring country! ok, this news came about around 8 or so when i thought, "what the hell, i'll go online." checking my email i come across this congratulations deal and ... that's how it went down. oh my god. my initial reaction was nonchalant and kinda glad i got it, but it hit home hard when i realised what this job meant..i am fucking apprehensive, terrified, and generally aroused, not sexually.