a day in thug life

i'm disappointed september featured a single post. it's almost as bad as 2006, but pictures pretty much salvaged that. indeed, again, i've come to entice you all with recent pictures i've taken at school--no people, really, just what been piquing my interest..that isn't human.

ah, it was raining yesterday. i enjoyed it, especially whilst walking to school, but i realized the pitfalls of it when i sat in class, the front of my trousers were relatively drenched and throughout the day as my super soaked shoes & socks would not dry.


that's what it looked like, the view from my favorite place on campus to find respite.

here's something i found on the wall and enhanced a bit by paying tribute to that great monster in the sky.

i added the moniker so other people would be aware of the greatness presiding next to them.
here are some things from a classROOM! i've come to really enjoy this class, it's about proto-indo-european (i'm not sure about that whole hyphen deal..) and it's absolutely amazing seeing all these similarities between and hearing explanations behind languages. there are two things i don't much care for:
1. revisiting latin

2, these ridiculous chairs attached to the desks

if you look closely, there should be a hinge-y part visible halfway the back of the chair. every time anyone moves, that thing screeches like a banshee.
and this is my interpretation of my professor.

i know it looks a lot scary, but..he mostly looks like that. with a very dry voice and style of..humor? whenever he laughs it kinda sounds like he's choking, but his face has a maniacal mein, a little like the joker from good versions of batman. anyway, it's the mustache that makes the man.

At Your local Kubrick library.

way too into school. i'm surprised i've been going out on monday nights, spending money, and ending up in questionably apartments filled with guys. it's cool. i'm used to it--bars, hotel rooms, bathrooms, i've dealt with them all. at least my social life is considerably more exciting.

here's a rundown on my new academic life: all my classes are loathsome, with the subject exception of italian where we always end up laughing about morire. there's a grandpa, a hipster, and some lady..i really miss last quarter with mr. sweaty. anyways! there are so many things to do and people for me to see, time schedule nonconflicting pending, that leave me excited, eager for le weekend.

so, lately all i've been watching is good ol' simpsons episodes, seasons 1, 2, and 5. here are two shots of attractive, fictional womans that often get lost in all the dialogue and story and the fact that you were eating that sandwich instead of watching the screen:




i really like marge with her hair down.next time i hope to catch some other good'lookin' guest star characters.

ambidextrous appendages, pleasure, YOU.

@ i seriously want to give it up.
ill-formed!
onto the new stuff going on this week...my god. i don't remember how many times i've written about school, anything related to it, the students (and the elite crew known as my pals), and teachers. i've a sneaking suspicion i won't be stopping anytime soon and that induces queasiness. so. i don't care for any of my teachers this go around. the best score i'll give is moderately pedestrian--and that'll definitely alter as the weeks roll by. i was upset i couldn't do the francophone film class as it is instructed in french (...maintenant, je parle le français trés mauvais. je pense. alors, je devrais étudier chaque jour, hein?). it feels like it's gonna be a looooooooong week, but it's running smoothly thus far. so. it starts off tolerable. oh so tolerable.

Start the Day off, right?

welcome to 2011. in about seven months this blog will be roughly five years old. expect b-day party invites in your emails. and yes, my education establishment has started. this morning, no less!

i'm not lying, i don't do it with people i just meet (for any of y'alls sneaking in for the first time; that's what she said..is that still relevant? is 2011 still gonna keep tastelessness like that? i'm not gonna judge, it makes the high school me titter with ), and i'm not lying now: today was crazy. i mean, hectic. my first mistake was taking a shower this morning, basically an hour before i had to jet to class. my hair would not dry. i knew this. and ultimately i was late.
ok. italian class was...surprising? the teacher got switched or something to this white guy who i take to be...not italian at all (his name is a giveaway). it was crazy--only italian flowed from his mouth the second he arrived and we were all, "oh my god, WUT!" it was so abnormal when he broke out the english at the end of class to explain some general stuff. he has glasses and wears vans. uhhh, what am i thinking?
the class i was deathly afraid of came rolling around. there is so much recent history i have to spew about the fear for this class! so much, there's gotta be a straight-to-dvd "based on the true story" thing to explain it--look for it sometime at the end of this month. i got by 'cuz the real shit doesn't start today and i avoided a test because i was a dumbass when it came to registering (...i'm SO relieved i don't have to go through with that oral). ok.
i basically stayed at school for almost ten hours? it was a looong ass day, mans. i hardly had anything to eat, yo. and it was kinda cold. i realize that i have a ton of reviewing in order. gosh damn. if the rest of the week goes this smoothly...

book buying is fucking ridiculous.

still thinking about my italian prof. who'll i'll be seeing five days a week. for the next ten weeks.
and once on a saturday.

I said, "Where's the white stuff?"

i can't believe it's already the end of november~! it feels really weird, like, time passed by so sloooowly. i can't relate that in terms the general public can understand, but...i guess it reminds me of my time spent in korea...hmm. ah, getting too nostalgic. anyway, more stress about school and thinking and just patiently looking forward to finishing. ok. hmmmm. i have too much on my mind, distractions abound. and comics, oh my gosh, COMICS are totally sucking up my precious time with their engaging visuals and entertaining story lines...

since i've been here at school, the full quarter here, it just isn't..like.eeeehhmmm..it's hard for me to explain, or even openly admit what it's like on here (i reserve that for my arbitrary collection of 'this'es). it's almost like i had such grand expectations, but it's not that different from what i left behind, in all cases. i suppose that anything i set out for and eventually reach will end up being a sort of let down (with the exception of travel..the greatest memories are made in other countries!)..ah, ok. Other things? it's quite chilly in my place these evenings. the "heater" doesn't seem to improve my conditions plus it's so obscenely loud. at least my internet connection has been reliable for the last few weeks. yay. but i might be speaking too soon.
And. It's probably bad to long for someone who is preoccupied with ...another? shits. stupid influential media and deadline for marriage/babies. damn it all.

draffing, dragging along

my, I feel as if this week passed by rather quickly, even more so than I prefer. I think it had to do with the studying and trying to figure out damn derivations and still stressing over things I should have been doing well over three weeks ago. On the upside, I’ve been gradually committing to personal linkage (on a familiar scale). It’s not terrible or overwhelming if done with restraint and an “open mind”. Getting fixes a few times throughout the 5-day school week has been serving me fine.
What’s been fairly nice thus far is the weather. I relish in the coolness and the rain that’s been visiting. I’m dreaming of snow (too early?), but knowing where I really am that is impossible. Seeing as I’m not focusing on what I should be (reading up on that mass media and still trying to figure out what I’ll be comparing), I suppose I can divulge in a few things that have caught my interest (good or …stupid.)

fb can be a nice way to talk to friends in far away places and find out when stuff is going on (or..who and who have got it on), but I find this utterly unnecessary because
a) you can do it yourself
b) it costs money
c) it immortalizes a profile picture, a constantly changing thing (well, will you print & pay every time someone changes their pic, presumably to something better?)

and here are paintings that look like something j.d. ingres would've done if he listened to the sex pistols or black flag. it's fine art based on hardcore.

um. i guess that's all i really found in the past few days.

lastly, i don't think i'll feel right until i admit this:
i just need to say it. "i miss you." every goddamn time i see some asian guy with slightly squinty eyes peeking from behind thick framed glasses with their black hair vaguely obscuring their line of vision (and a lit cigarette hanging between slack lips)--it makes me sick with longing..again.

is it real ?

another year for three in a roww. heeeyy! i'm saving deeper stuff for tomorrow, but there isn't anything wrong with me discussing modern life.

not much to say, right? hmm, i suppose a decent teacher evaluation might be due (circa 2008)
philosophy. i had no idea math could be so poetic. reallly. i couldn't even fathom sentences could literally be transmuted into sequences encompassing everything i've feared from mathematics. i'm not a fan of this class (not every bit of socrates is used literally, but there is stlll god existence things going on). the professor is definitely my favorite, though. he's the kind of person who doesn't teach or explain very well, but tries to joke around and make the class enjoyable (kinda works, everyone's pretty much asleep since our class starts rather eeearly--the mtp dog was rather good!). i think i like him much more as a person. such an adorable old guy..you don't really get them these days.


he basically looks like this, but his name is NOT noam chomsky.
my other two profs are...about the same level regarding how much what i think of them/the class. ..it's what i imagine to be the same.

i'm disappointed to be learning that languages are being stripped from their ambiguity and elegance to be dissected in a manner to be understood. pshh. i kinda don't wanna be majoring this.

the edu brief. white and tight?

what a change in weather. it feels like fall now. the question i seem to be getting a lot of these days is, "how's school?" i tend to reply, "it's ok." and inside i'm really thinking what i'm saying. in any scenario, i figure school is school and being here is no different from old college days, etc. also being no stranger to these stranger times, avec tous ces mecs.

however pleasant the weather has been, outbursts of rain and the gradual increase in coolness, i still wish it were more frigid. i've lately realized my birthday is coming up quick (the notion of getting another year older skipped my mind indefinitely for some reason). i can't fathom how old i've gotten and how much in common i have with most of the living venture family. thinking too much about the future and continuing to stare out windows during lectures (should there be any in the room). dreaming of those far off locales, the different countries i've tasted and long to savor to the fullest extent.
it almost comes off as perverse, that last part, don't it?

upon the start of this academic year, i've returned to pere goriot. everything in it still rings ridiculously true, but i want to change a few ideas that have plagued me.

par exemple:

"We are as hard on a feeling for showing itself too completely as we are on a man for not having any money."

and, you know, i'm like vautrin so, indeed.

God, won't it end.

here i am in my new wonderful apartment and going to school everyday thus far, even though classes haven't started yet, to familiarize myself with these foreign surroundings. i still get lost on campus, but at least i'm fairly certain i know where my classes for this quarter will be. regretting i didn't dorm on campus a bit since i gotta walk through these hilly streets and i have no idea when some activities or whatever are going on (can you fucking believe i missed bruin bash??!! i feel like such a loooosser..). i just wasn't keen on the fact that the housing stuff made meals a mandatory add on and 12 people sharing 1 bathroom...um, maybe not.
My general feelings regarding UCLA are...ehm, bland. I know there are some people who are crazy-excited to be bruin and break out in the eight clap every few minutes, but--i could give less of a fuck. just looking forward to graduating and worrying about real like again (oh my god. do you have a deadline to be married and/or pregnant? no? oh, sorry, i guess you don't have concerned older friends like me). I mean--I think it's because all the transfers are put together with the freshmen for new kid stuff and seeing all these students in all their blue and gold apparel emblazoned with those four letters--I've been through this before, granted it wasn't even close to this good, so it's nothing new. In some respects i kinda wish i went to san diego. curses i wasn't able to visit the campus there before having to decide! the scene here..makes me long for...pcc. sadly.
of course that could change over time--i'm willing to see how this will go.

what's really getting to me are those asian guys with glasses. what. the fucking. hell.
also the dripping of rain or whatever liquid onto the exterior of my ac unit that i can do absolutely nothing about (FOR NOW).
leaving it at that.

revisiting all. Conflicted

the last day of the month. school has already started some places near me: the high school (and probably all the other schools in this district) and PCC. gosh, that place will always have a special place in my ...educational equivalent to a heart. while driving by there today, i saw the surges of students in that back-to-school influx i feel i'm over, but always nervously anticipate. I've almost a month free before i have that sickening sensation again. so, this was on hiatus while people were over and i had a brief vacay in vegas where i learned my dog had run off (not romantically with another dog, to my false dismay) only to find out he made his way home.
recap of last week in pitchers.






a tired boy.
i'm busy these days, wrapping up college stuff and trying to figure out what to do and how to get around in NYC next week. i'm excited. thank the lawd i got me some decent travel time after six months of hard labor.

concern. stop.

i can't believe i nearly spent the night at school. i'm sure that would've happened. i like how no one at school gives a shit about the english teachers, or disregards important information that should be relayed to them. inverted molestation, one more times, and wallowing in wonder. what a great tuesday.
i fear i might've contracted something. sharing drinks, no matter how cute they may be, is a bad idea..especially considering that today's school is tailored for sicker children. oh joy.
condemning self-loathing.
enlightenment ruined everything for me.


think happy thoughts. think happy thoughts. think happy thoughts.

when OH When?

this week without my music has been wretched, thought it isn't nearly as horrible as i had imagined it would be when i started thinking about everything last sunday afternoon. i miss singing on the fly and having my own personal bus soundtrack. dance routines have also been put on hold..until saturday (hopefully).

since this month has been passing by rather quickly, i'm excited about returning home. it's gonna be a bitch moving out and getting my luggage where it needs to be--overlooking all that shit, however, gets me dreaming of moving into my own place in cali, westwood, and having my life in the general, lazy order it's been used to. everyday i feel so much more better knowing i'll be back..the rest of my summer/time before school also consists of plans of greatness galore (lake tahoe, new york city!! finalement!!, maybe oregon/nevada?). excited. excited beyond any words that can express the level of excitement i have.
i'm having another surge in nouvelle vague. it makes me wish for meaningful nostalgia and love affairs with men already involved with someone they think is the one. or just a french guy.
other aspects helping me through these base times: courage the cowardly dog and tiny toon adventures. hilarious. i adore courage. sometimes i throw in a little daria and i know my life can't be that bad. or at least i'll know there are others suffering on the inside just as much as me without truly caring.




i am going to miss my kindergarteners dearly. thinking about leaving gets me all teary eyed, especially when they hug me and say, "I love you."

how It feels

it's JUNE!!!!!!! i would be even more excited if i was gonna get out of school in the middle of this month, but, alas, i must work. at school.


disappointing.

but, i've been here four months. what an accomplishment, no? it feels like sunday everyday and i don't mean feeling the trepidation of the upcoming week or relaxing on the last day of the regular weekend. it deals with an institution i feel obliged to attend out of pity, almost, regarding my childhood, and one i've tried to escape for maybe seven years? damn this guilt i carry. damn. why do i have to understand what she went through?
to be truthful, like the good ol' days, i'm rather upset. i have to admit...i sometimes cry on bus rides to and from school or other places. it's because i'm thinking about my childhood and how much fun i've had, namely elsewhere. but. this could all be the result of my scheduled tom..so, these nostalgic feelings make hyper-emotional. and since last weekend...i've gotten hooked on the same thing that was consuming my march and april. GODDAMN. not like i'm going to do anything about it--it's fucking futile, right? intending to go into detail with this issue in 'this'. i'm too prone to fail at these things.

Too back and blue

gone for while, i think. shit's happened. my week off was generally uneventful and the moment i anticipated for so long was, like.......a little bit of a let down. at least i didn't have to work. some of my students supposedly missed me, but they didn't really show it.
ugh. i want to go home, to my real home..although there are problems there, too. seems like everywhere i go i get obscenely unhappy/disappointed within an extended period of time. i think i'm starting to constantly look sad. i find myself dreaming of other (better) places like i used to: staring out windows and wondering. goddamn.

when i do get back to america, to fucking california, i swear i'mma eat some delicious things regardless of what it originally came from. but i promise to stop before school and dally with the idea of veganism (however, i quite adore leather...). speaking of real, my future pending school, i have decided to ucla. it mostly pains me to say that; i feel like such a part of the majority..to justify my decision i have to admit that it seriously is the best school for my major (and the cheapest and the easiest to get into considering the other top choices were mit, caltech, and nyu--none of which i dared to apply to). i'm mostly concerned with where i'mma be living; there is no way in fucking hell i want to dorm. no way. it's so expensive around there. eeesh.

tangentially, i want to show what i've been currently obsessing over: two tone leggings--opaque and sheer à la AA and OC.
i think the obvious purchasing choice would be american apparel, plus, i like the contrast with that one better. and after seeing this one picture of lily allen i totally want to expose my ass this summer. or...this year. i seriously want to showcase that feature since i've always kinda figured my bum was awesome. like, something i've actually been proud of other than my hands. god, i miss dressing nice. i feel if i pull any of that shit here i'll be eyed in ways that will give me even more nightmares. i don't want no attention from the guys here. no.
lastly, i have found that i have been listening to music that sounds as if it could be played in the background of a porno. porno soundtrack-ish music. i loves it like this



and that.

the Calm before a storm, badness on the Rise

it was surprising that today was actually really, really nice. i had to teach kindergarten mostly by myself (trying to quiet down and keep the interest of thirty kids under 6 is daunting in any respect, i think), but i survived! it's actually me conjuring up this post to surmise my day, as far as you know. second grade was easier to handle; three students from the usual 10-12 since we split the classes like it was supposed to be. although, trying to teach bingo is a very difficult task...and fourth grade! new student! forever bingo part 2 with no winners.

I really don't want to be evaluated tomorrow. It's seriously too much pressure..but it'll be over in a jiffy, probably and depending on how long the principal and vice principal stay to watch me , and i'll look back and laugh at how much anxiety i thought i had at the time.

i've come to realize that, despite it all, i adore the children. yeah, i definitely have favorites (i think all the little boys with glasses are absolutely tops..maybe i sympathize the fact they have poor eyesight, but i've always had a fondness for people with glasses); i think the 금반 kindergarteners are my all time faves..maybe tied with the kindergarteners and some second graders at 안의...i totally think there's a second grader who likes me too much...i mean, he's jumped on me, scared me nearly shitless (the sneak-behind-your-target-and-yell-when-he/she-turns-around tactic was employed), and always want to do the dancing singing activities with me. if another kid tried to intervene and do anything with me he gets kinda violent (ie: kicking). and he resembles jonathan taylor thomas. a little.
i would have to say the only aspect of life here i really can't stand is...where i'm situated and sometimes the food. it's interesting how i find that i'm not really as lonely as usual. at least..i think i'm not as lonely. on the outside?

Living for the WeekEnd

i'm sure some kid(s) from my three-days-a-week school is(are) a thief(no "f" eves). i was looking forward to the weekend, but not necessarily what i would be doing. it turned out ok in the end. and i met a plastic surgeon so i can probably get those double d's and maybe pull a jennifer grey. anyway. i'm generally tired.
i really know what anna (not the one recently married, the one who used to teach at my school until last month) means about having her kid grow up somewhere that isn't so...ummmhnm, uncouth like 1/3 of home.
if i really think about it...i can't fucking believe i'm in korea. and that ship sinking had me worrying about my cousin. he's alive. shaken and stirred, but still kicking. i don't think that reference/analogy (?) is particularly pertinent to the situation. i guess i'm used to people speaking korean, despite understanding near nothing of what they are saying, and speaking to me in butchered english. i know that second bit the best. i am an amateur expert. i think that's the biggest difference from when i've been abroad for a considerably long time. i was at least familiar with the languages in those places and, i'm a little sorry to say, was definitely more excited for for my voyages there. hmmm, it's just like home but on a massive scale of realistic-ness.

and i found a playable version of that love zombie game i talked about nearly two years ago! it's not as awesome as the summer one, i think, since you don't get to ride a speed boat or go parasailing. isn't digression the next best thing ever?

Lost oxford

i'm annoyed and stressed i can't find something i thought i had, i'm sure i had it...things always up and disappear around me. curses.
been feeling aggravated lately. it's a little of being babied + not eating what i'd like (my god, i miss chipotle and in and out and eagle rock fare...and whole foods) + still being alone + the stress of teaching. the constant sighs aren't a good sign, but they do transport me back home. how i do enjoy a good sigh (about how naive kids are, how awful my day has been, how i'm so generally unhappy, waiting for the bus, etc). mmm, i thought i'd nearly get shanked by a 2nd grader today. he took out his retractable razor-thing and was getting all rambo.
it was scary.

--One of those types; the submissive, good at cooking, prolly freak-ay ones

i can't fucking believe there are even more people here who think i'm married. couldn't make sense of it when accusations arose in l.a. it may have been even less logical when i was interrogated (..hahaha, lying is such a good way to make best friends and find out who's bimbo-tastic) in europe. the weird thing was i wasn't even wearing that ring that usually makes people think i've been cleaning/cooking/maintaining in a home and having that good ol' sex every night. People generally think i do the latter frequently....i wonder how i exude that sort of vibe (it's the quiet and mysterious aspect of my mien)?
onto whatever it was i wanted to put here. today. my first day teaching at the last school i've been assigned. i really totally loved the kids there. they were so well behaved and knew english so much better than my other students..i had the most fun conducting a draw and spell game with my fifth and sixth graders. *sigh* i need to bring candy next time for the winning team. on that note, my monetary funds are diminishing. the weekend really killed it and i feel awful having people to pay for me (especially the sneaky kinds, it's like i'm back home watching middle aged family members go cut throat for the bill at a restaurant).

since i been in hamyang, i feel as if i never have enough time for anything anymore. maybe my priorities are all mixed up. there just ain't no time.

teacher, teacher

i was so stressed today. so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so (yes, i'm typing this) stressed. It turned out all righht. I only really taught one class kinda on my own and it was my favorite: kindergarten~! most of them knew their abcs and could count to ten. that was awesome--plus they are super adorable. i hope to get pictures of them sooonn (i loved this little girl with pigtails~~so cute!! and she would raise her hand and say stuff about stuff from my mini ppt intro). 1st/2nd grade was hard to deal with...those boys were a naughty bunch. dancing/jumping/not participating/playing during the lesson. i tried to discipline/get them in order, but they dared to defy me! god..i'm really not accustomed to being an authority figure and being in the teacher's seat feels so weird (i was about to say wrong). fourth grade is a little better, they understand the englishes quite well. they were singing an "i can" song (it might've been from barney...which i watched today. freaked me out a little). i think next time i could be on my own more, but i get stuck with cristal i'd be a little more relieved and make lesson plans with her. damn, why don't i have a fucking korean scholar? but..it's a helluva lot easier to talk with her and she's teaching me korean.

boobs are the national symbol of power in my country. Not South Korea.

i am here in hamyang. a small, unexciting from my experience thus far, and generally older people populated ville. i found out this week that i must teach at three different schools. oh. what. the fuck. i really wish they had informed me earlier, like when i found out where i would be going. i shoulda given a preference as to where i wanted to be situated (like actual civilization and my family in those places). but. what's done is done and will be here until the end of july. if i really think about, i can't even begin to fathom how i'll survive here. i'm sooo relieved i'm not living in this town alone and that the people from the program are fluently korean. i'm still working on my basic talking and understanding skills--honestly, i know nothing!
i'll be starting to teach on mon. anxious more than excited. there are so many things i don't know that i need to know before i go in a room with little kids who will barely understand what i'm saying...

anyway, back to the basic practices of this blog:


this is the view from my apt. i like the cloudy mountain feature, it's asianically cinematic..kinda.
even though i've been in south korea for over a month, it still doesn't feel like i'm in korea. it's difficult to explain; it's as if i'm in an alternate universe that brings me back to my childhood...when i was with my mom and other koreans...usually in a religious or familial setting. except this time she's not here to explain and, uh, defend, in a way. oh mans. there have been numerous odd occurrences. some of them are a result of word mix ups. hm. it's just...a distantly familiar feeling.