this week without my music has been wretched, thought it isn't nearly as horrible as i had imagined it would be when i started thinking about everything last sunday afternoon. i miss singing on the fly and having my own personal bus soundtrack. dance routines have also been put on hold..until saturday (hopefully).
since this month has been passing by rather quickly, i'm excited about returning home. it's gonna be a bitch moving out and getting my luggage where it needs to be--overlooking all that shit, however, gets me dreaming of moving into my own place in cali, westwood, and having my life in the general, lazy order it's been used to. everyday i feel so much more better knowing i'll be back..the rest of my summer/time before school also consists of plans of greatness galore (lake tahoe, new york city!! finalement!!, maybe oregon/nevada?). excited. excited beyond any words that can express the level of excitement i have. i'm having another surge in nouvelle vague. it makes me wish for meaningful nostalgia and love affairs with men already involved with someone they think is the one. or just a french guy. other aspects helping me through these base times: courage the cowardly dog and tiny toon adventures. hilarious. i adore courage. sometimes i throw in a little daria and i know my life can't be that bad. or at least i'll know there are others suffering on the inside just as much as me without truly caring.
i am going to miss my kindergarteners dearly. thinking about leaving gets me all teary eyed, especially when they hug me and say, "I love you."
ok, I should stop with any expectations. i think my new course of action is extreme impassiveness regarding anything i get remotely excited about. also, i want to be, how do you say...decisive? anyway, this "i don't know"/"maybe"/"i don't care" phase has been pwning me for the past three or four years. at times i can make up my mind...perhaps distractions. i'm not fucking southeast asian all the way--that mistake has pissed me off throughout my time here.
in an unrelated note, i was thinking these past few days..about how i feel overall, really focusing on high school times to now. this is what i deduced:
my level of happiness is on the low end near that purpley sad faced fool. i think it's something i've felt predominantly throughout senior year of high school up til now. i laugh and there are few things i've claimed have made me happy, but these are all fleeting. i would like to find something that gets me towards the orange.
divergently, here are some great interview tips. i do #4 constantly, wherever.
