Experience Escape

After many years, I have finally attained the book From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. The first time I heard about this book was in elementary school from a literature computer game. I have no idea where I got the game. I don't know what grade I was in. The only thing that interested me about this book was the idea of living in a museum. Since my youth, museums have been places of wonder filled with ancient and odd things. I learned how mummies were preserved, what a humman heart looks like, how airplanes fly, and what makes a Bernini so gotdang expressive. So of course I wanted to live in a museum, to explore the halls without being intruded and interrupted by hoards of loud children acccompanied by their aimless caretakers. I dreamed of touching everything that said "do not touch" and sleeping on those centuries old beds. This is what occured in the aforementioned book.

the met

This book takes place on the East Coast of the U.S.A., northeast really, and primarily in New York City at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I may have been there. Can't recall. My realistic fantasy had been to grow up, move to New York, and be happy. I have since changed that fantasy into something less idealistic and romantic. (There are other cities to give that exact feeling!) In short, a girl and her brother run aawy from home (her reason being underappreciated in the family) and spend their time in the museum, hoping their family will repent and beg them home, but the children get distracted by a mystery involving a statue. I quite enjoyed reading about how the children spent their days trying to fit in with tour groups or when they took the time to venture into the city. The mystery itself was not appealing to me. I don't think it was that exciting, honestly. The best part of the story for me was when the children met Mrs. Frankweiler, who occasionally tells the story in retrospect.

now the met is known for its fashion...

The Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler in the story is clever and direct with age. She is reasonably impatient, curious, and want for understanding. There is something loathingly terrifying about her, but when she rears a gentle head she appears all the more grandmotherly. There was one quote from the story, obvioulsy stated by Mrs. Frankweiler, that was profound:

"...I think you should learn, of course, and some days you must learn a great deal. But you should also have days when you allow what is already in you to swell up inside of you until it touches evrything. And you can feel it inside you. If you never take time out to let that happen, then you just accummulate facts, and they begin to rattle around inside of you. You can make noise with them, but never really feel anything with them. It's hollow."
Perhaps this is a sign for me to stop freakng out about going to school to learn new things. Or even a sign for me to meditate and ruminate on all the things I've mentally recorded over the years.

nyc c. 1960s

It Lives

I don't know why I took a break from blogging. Perhaps too much was happening and there was no way for me to encapsulate such events and/or feelings in posts that would clearly express the way I saw things. I'm also much older than when I started this project. There is less of an urge to try explaining how "cool" and "non-chalant" I am to an audience I'm sure doesn't exist. But we all know the real reason I haven't been making new posts is because I'm lazy.

In light of the new year and same old me, I have decided to return to the medium I prefer. The social media that takes time and effort without having to care about what I look like and who I'm trying to influence (I assure you I'm not. I'm just telling things about myself and if you like it you're weird; if you don't, good for you. I'll be using a lot of words. There will be puns. The irony might be overwhelming. Some sarcasm could scare you. So what I'm saying in a very roundabout way is I will be writing here again. I forsee posts regarding obscure ideas, bad movie/animation/music/book/game reviews, and, of course, the vague descriptions of my adventures in living. At least I will try to add pictures. For the visual people.
Viva verbal punches.

Long Ago, but Far Away

First, I feel like an idiot for going on hiatus for YEARS. Not even a month or two, but fucking years. It's true I have been busy, even now this is the first time I've had the chance to breath and catch up on my existence in nearly two years. I've had to transition into the realm of a working adult and it is absolute hell. Money is nice, but it's not enough for what one goes through.
It was weird because I was thinkng about this blog, so I went and read my older posts. I remember fawning over British "indie" bands and my nonexistent, unrequited infatuation with Alex Turner. That recording of TLSP gave me the chills. He is still quite the cute musician with his long hair and swinging 60s style. I'm at a point in my life where I don't know anything about new music trends. My ears gravitate towards podcasts about history and strife, interconnecting the then and now and why we keep repeating ourselves. If you're at all interested in that, please do check out NPR's Throughline
It's so surreal to be back in Korea, to live here, after my inital part-time job a fucking decade ago. Even reading about that part where I admitted my feelings towards the friends that I made abroad and how I would eventually cease to remain in their consciousness... It really makes me wish having friends. On the bright side, I got in touch with someone from back then. So now life isn't completely lonely. It's just soul-crushingly stressful.
I hope to remember to occasionally make a sardonic and irreverent post from now on. I honestly believe this was the pinnacle of my nonsensical, contrived writing phase and I can't get enough of it. I miss writing. I miss quipping. I long to string nonsensical ideas and daily events together.
Oh yeah.

Rules Redux

So. I finally read the Bret Easton Ellis novel The Rules of Attraction.
I watched the movie a while ago. I blogged about it. I posted the Victor+Europe montage. I filled with admiration to be Lauren/Shannyn Sossamon.
So, found the book in a thrift store. There was one other book I saw penned by Ellis, but I only picked this one. If anything, after reading it I want to go back to college and think about how I can socially fuck with others while damaging my heart in the process.

I forgot how confusing and enjoyable life can be. I miss going to lectures where I laugh 20% of the time and don't understand the content the other 75%. The saving grace is the 5% that makes me feel confident to think I know what's going on because I fantasize about other things. The book was a different experience; getting to know all the characters intimately in their heads, understanding the motives and desires they truly have. It was better to imagine them as more attractive or scummy. What I also liked was the way the book and movie presented these events, all in a cyclical way. There is no true ending. They're all trapped in this perpetual depression and struggle leading to a less than pleasant result. Will hae to read the book again to feel like I'm having a not so shitty life.

Hot Time Plans

Summer reading list:

the house of spirits
little birds
invisible man
the brothers karamazov
jane eyre
withering heights

tentative. possibly more if i actually read these things.

oh

it's a lot different now. whilst i anticipate the change and potential better future, i miss many things. sometimes i wallow in it. other times it's like nothing has changed. maybe a few more people are talking to me? i guess that's better? as i'm finished with important tasks that have been bothering me for years. anyway. i'm still alive.

it's got to be

on days like these, on most days, really, i like to listen to marvin gaye. maybe barry white would be a good option as well. sometimes i think it would be nice if someone sang nice songs to me.

it's valentine's day. let me rejoice in the candy, flower, and card-giving tradition this holiday brings! the only thing is....i didn't get anything from anybody regarding anything about the aforementioned things that are usually given. i'm not bitter. i don't care. but i was just thinking....if i had a someone special in my life, it would be pleasant to at least hear a sweet greeting even if this person was far off. ah, another valentine's day alone.

Makes Fonder

january certainly is a long month. i've even been busy with actually things which usually entails the sensation of time flying by (and it has in certain situations), but it's still january. at least the year is starting out well. i'm doing things and being old! it's more responsible than normal. i think it's surprising i've made three posts this month.
until recently, i was quite sure about how i felt and where things would go. then i did something kind of crazy that, well, it didn't exactly fuck up my life, but it created complications. what happened this past weekend: critical information was revealed! there was serious talking. i had my socks shocked off (literally)! at one point i wished for a time machine. now i'm confused and very sad. the entire experience was amazing, it was everything i wanted to know and to some extent do...it's just so late. i don't know what's going to happen. i know what i'd like to do. of course i could go on and on about this, it's seriously major, and it's actually a good news sort of thing, however more fitting for an elaborating of the written kind.

still the days

and so, the tides have changed. this really feels like a dream. and i'll wake up in a few hours disappointed and foaming at the mouth.

nothing New

i just thought i should get a head start with this. i want to post more this year, even if it's nonsense. well, it will be until something exciting worth posting comes around. you know how rare those things are. well, yes.

like in films

maybe i should base my life on fantasy. it usually works out. if not, it'l at least change. or maybe complicate things to the pleasure of the audience.

x no mas

hello. it's christmas eve. ummm. actually can't remember when i posted about something important.
i'm happy after all these years i'm remembered by someone and we're communicating. it's a great sensation--like floating.

the single Girl

I was going through my old...documents from five or more years ago. Apparently i kept a wishlist about everything, even the intangible. this included a description of my ideal man.
my cute boy (I will really be getting into specifics..): he’s mixed (ideally European and asian, my ultimate fantasy is French and Japanese!), hopefully not from the U.S….i was thinking somewhere in europe like Glasgow.., he should have a decent sense of style (omfg. like the casualness of apc or something), enjoys [adultswim] & cartoons and … kurt Vonnegut, mythology (greek), sweets, video games, takes care of his face/skin en generalmente, can seriously bust a move, serenade me with sam cooke/marvin gaye/pavement/beatles songs (or..other songs I find sickeningly romantic); I’d prefer him to have glasses ... but it’d be ok if he didn’t…and had sad eyes instead (both would be AWESOME!), scraggly bearded, taller than me (not a difficult requirement), a possessor of general and obscure intellect, speaks in an irresistible baritone that isn’t too deep and monotonous with a hint of another dialectal English that generally sounds cute, is capable of (vague as a minimum) speaking at least three languages (or more, always a plus, especially if they are of the romantic family), a player of musical instruments (comme guitar, piano, …idk what else.), can cook deliciousness when needed, able to draw anything remotely amazing/humorous/strange, a multi-humorist by nature (abundance of potty and smut…oh, I can’t believe I like shit like that..), it would be ok if he smoked once in a while...a wearer of nice kicks that don’t necessarily cost a grip, who doesn’t wear cheap ass cologne/axe, not too terribly fat (at least weigh more than I do)"
this is naivety at its peak. there are some omissions from this entry to the real one because...i sounded really stupid. and that happens. over the years since the creation of this list, which i haven't updated in a looong time, i've met a fair amount of guys who have met some of the requirements. i don't know if there is any man out there who can even come close to being everything i'd like, list-wise. dang, how could i be so fastidious? hmmm, well, at this point in my life i could settle for the right combination. the only consistent trait my guys have had is wearing glasses. i'm still waiting for that frapanese man.

ode 3

A general post is overdue. As there has been an absence of poignancy in my life most of this year (with the exception of extreme irrational fears and the baby steps taken to conquer them), i've basically ignored this blog because, well, what could i possibly say? if i had chosen to include a synopsis of my daily activities, the mundane excitement i experience right now...i'm sure anyone who ventured here would've become overwhelmed with upset. so. until something wonderful and poignant pops up, i'm certain the flow of content will inevitably slow.

but i think i did something bad. i don't regret it, actually, despite feeling like i should've let go of everything. and it seems i was forgotten. what to do now? i refuse to be unresponsive for a second time.

so overtime

it's my birthday again. nothing happened! not even a cake or a card or a meaningful token of the recognition of age! not that i care about that at all. go about your day forgetting i started to exist on this day over 20 years ago!

right now's 好きなもの

these are some things i like at the moment. actually, it might be one thing. i suppose that's to be determined as i continue with the rest of this.

after my break-up with japanese music about five or six years ago, i haven't listened to anything like my beloved art-school since then. i try to avoid it if i can. i rebounded with english/european music ranging from rock to electric kinda of stuff, but these days i hold no true loyalties to anything and i've ended up listening to many odd things.
so, this month i stumbled on this:

i don't know what made me click and watch. (i think it was the hair--it reminded me of high school/early college days scene-y/emo-ish boys.) i thought whoever was singing was a girl, the voice seemed high pitched at the time, but it was the guy with the hair. i ended up liking it so much. now i listen to kana-boon at least once a day.
from there i discovered this sort of thing:

that was the first one i saw where the person in the video plays one part of the song on guitar/bass/drums without showing their face. some people use masks, as seen above, or they just keep their heads out of the frame.



sometimes the person will show their face in the video, but most are faceless. is this a thing? i know people like to do covers of songs, singing and playing along and all that. these videos are more about sticking to the one part throughout the song ("try to play") much like guitar hero or something. i have two theories about the no-face thing:
1. they are hideous and/or embarrassed about the way they look.
2. they are modest and would rather showcase their abilities rather than their appearance, as it would too distracting.
i would rather believe the second theory as i like to imagine they are as attractive as they are talented. what girl can resist a musician? mmmm.
however, from personal experience the first one might as well be true.......

i'm so into king of the hill right now. even though i started watching it ten or eleven years ago when it was still on tv, the shows seems so much better an funnier. i netflix it nonstop and, dang, it's some good stuff.


and i really like eating brie. it's good. so goood.

around the worlds

i've returned from travels. i had a nice time, aside from the worrying. i recently returned from florida. here are some pictures.

the view from the plane on the way there. clouds look very pretty up close.


i went to hogwarts.


it was fucking amazing.


i had some butterbeer. it's less beer, more marshmallow-y kinda butterscotchy-y sweet. anyway, it was delicious.




assorted candy from the series from that candy shop i don't remember--honeydukes?


then, i went to springfield.




went to krusty burger.


got a krusty burger with fries,


ate it,


and washed it all down with a flaming moe (it was really flaming! in a sense that it was all smoky...).


i really wanted that dancin' homer plushie..


i saw this in a super discount store and i laughed in awe. i wonder what kind of person would buy this?


checked out some forestry. 


watched sunsets at sea. also pretty up close.
that's only a small collection of images from the trip.

farewell preparations

party had.

how I spent my summer (vacation)

it must be noted that this blog is officially seven years old. marvelous, but illaudable.

i honestly thought this summer was going to be absolute shit. some of it was and i loathed the idea of the season continuing for a few more months, but some nice things happened that almost made up for the awfulness. the worst part was the injuries i sustained. let's see...i got burned, cut up, bitten, bruised, etc. the burning was the worst--and all that was merely the physical damage i went through. other things effected my mental bits. this blog is not the medium to discuss such topics so let's have no more questions about my mental bits.
i had too much time to contemplate in a more intense state than i usually allot. from wandering all sides of the country, all the things i've seen and heard has brought made me realize: I've done everything wrong. it wasn't premeditated, i assume, it was the choices and the ultimate results that were so wrong. dang.
i've have fairly nice time rediscovering video games and cooking things (i made éclairs! they were really ugly, but they tasted good--probably because of the chocolate) and seeing nice people from my past. albert and i were able to do some traveling as well.

we'll be having a birthday party for him next week.

real v. real

it may be observed that my real, real life rarely crosses my blog/internet life. occasionally it happens, mostly in incomprehensible fragments, but it is never on a daily basis (i go weeks, months where i neglect this thing). here's a peek into my tangible life: this is the most important thing i've been working on for over half my existence. that probably sounds base and untrue, but until i bear parasites in my belly this will take precedence in my life (well, even if i do end up with parasites in my belly that grow up to be doctors and lawyers and comedians, i'll still make this a top priority).


i started writing (real writing that features mood and stream of consciousness and the usage of pens) 12 years ago. everything within these notebooks consist of jottings and scribbles recorded (mostly*) everyday. it's more of a singular collection (featuring the life and times of me) that is ever expanding. this easily makes the top three of the greatest accomplishments in my life (despite the fact it has nothing to do with the world and i doubt the rest of the world would be into it). writing is the one of the consistent habits i have (i suppose the other main ones would be oral and general hygiene).


i've filled about eighteen notebooks; i lost one in milan and some of them have left over pages, but there's eighteen that i have to glance at and laugh at when retrospecting my naivete. the smaller, thinner moleskine ones are extensions to the main, larger notebook designated for the year (i have a tendency to write too much or too big or my drawings begin to take up more space). i'll be damned if i know how many words i've handwritten over the past decade and two years. let's just say it's many. many, many words. (*=there is tremendous gap in entries from late 2008-mid 2009...that time frame is a void of events, thoughts, people).
i detest hearing these called 'diaries' or 'journals'. it's not like they aren't, in a broad sense; it sounds so juvenile. the content of these things are anything but. i would say these are recordings. i'm starting a new one today after having debated with myself if i should. it seemed best to continue the tradition as it keeps track of my life, helps me to remember, and is the only thing that keeps me going (i was about to say this keeps me sane...perhaps it does. it's cathartic, at least).