Makes Fonder

january certainly is a long month. i've even been busy with actually things which usually entails the sensation of time flying by (and it has in certain situations), but it's still january. at least the year is starting out well. i'm doing things and being old! it's more responsible than normal. i think it's surprising i've made three posts this month.
until recently, i was quite sure about how i felt and where things would go. then i did something kind of crazy that, well, it didn't exactly fuck up my life, but it created complications. what happened this past weekend: critical information was revealed! there was serious talking. i had my socks shocked off (literally)! at one point i wished for a time machine. now i'm confused and very sad. the entire experience was amazing, it was everything i wanted to know and to some extent do...it's just so late. i don't know what's going to happen. i know what i'd like to do. of course i could go on and on about this, it's seriously major, and it's actually a good news sort of thing, however more fitting for an elaborating of the written kind.

Decisions, decisions

I am at odds with what to do. I just have no idea if I should continue the way I’m going or try something else that might lead to being truly happy, which I guess I haven’t experienced since I was in fourth grade back in that forest park school and that Coughlin boy gave me a drawing (of his future/current muscled self?) with his number all saying, “Call me when you get to California.” I didn’t. I’ve also lost the picture. Shit.
I need a sign—something to help me make a final decision. I don’t know anything anymore.