In the vicinity of Eleven

so! in retrospect, this was probably a pretty shit year. again. maybe not as disturbing as 2007, but, from my recollection, it's among the shittiest. top three, maybe? i'm thinking it had a lot to do with what i (wasn't) doing and my first time doing things (so, so disappointing. surprised i didn't die from embarrassment). to get into specifics would be tedious, not worth a read. an imagination, sure. leaving the oh-ten at that.

looking ahead,i sure as hell want to either end this frustrating, continuous shit or grow whatever the female equivalent of cajones are (giant, estrogen pumping ovaries?). my initial indecisiveness is getting the better of me and all reasoning thus far calls for the former.
i know i want to list all too specific resolutions that i stick to as much as my willingness to "better myself" tempts me. last year turned out to be a fiasco as i left for someplace where i had basically no control. ehh. i'm up for trying this time around. aside from continuing with last year's piff, i want to get this out of the way as well: attaining a guy. Why is it so elusive? Was that number/muscle-y self portrait combo the best thing that ever happened to me? god, and i lost it, too.

hoping to get more depressed, my number one priority.

Make ya speaks a good Englisher; unicorns

oh my fucking god. i had my first class today and i didn't think it would be that difficult to do since i sat in & participated in a real class earlier in the day, but--like this doesn't routinely happen--i was WRONG. i didn't know they expected me to just start teaching, getting all the kids together and stuff...it was overwhelming because i was so unprepared...(that fault is all mine). most of those kids, especially the third and fourth graders i had today, were a rowdy bunch who wouldn't listen to me. they really kinda pissed me off. ending my rather horrid day at work was receiving a phone call from a certain somebody i've been meaning to contact and was going to today--it was just so fucking weird that he sorta read my mind/was thinking the same thing, all psychic about it, and i got a ring from him in one of the more awkward locations (ie: in the backseat of a teacher's car while he was giving me a ride home). luckily only one other person was adept in english and didn't know who i was talking to so (and could prolly understand my predicament) he didn't really care. the uncomfortableness got kicked up a notch when i had to have a little looksee at that other english teacher's house. very, very strange because i was still, rudely i speculate, on the phone with that guy.

looking forward to teaching tomorrow? um...at least this time i have an idea in mind.