Too due

here's to hopeless wishful thinking i'll get to have fun before fall hits (or a list of things i'd like to do by then):

-beach
-zoo/aquarium
-watch a film in a theater(i don't mean the one where i've been working at..unless there's something good showing. the couches there sure look comfy.)
-visit a dog
-pranzare a un ristorante buono
-see buddy holly again. at least once. ... who am i kidding?? i want the weekly hangouts back!
-find a way out of this country
-cream
-girl talk*
-art museum
-long walks to nowhere
-tacos
-be "happy"

i'm going to do as many of these things as possible. that most likely entails i'll be going alone. ... hmm, it's not like i ever do things with other people anyway.
*you need not be a girl to engage in this sort of talk with me, but the dynamics of this specific talk should be understood.

Decisions, decisions

I am at odds with what to do. I just have no idea if I should continue the way I’m going or try something else that might lead to being truly happy, which I guess I haven’t experienced since I was in fourth grade back in that forest park school and that Coughlin boy gave me a drawing (of his future/current muscled self?) with his number all saying, “Call me when you get to California.” I didn’t. I’ve also lost the picture. Shit.
I need a sign—something to help me make a final decision. I don’t know anything anymore.