Living for the WeekEnd

i'm sure some kid(s) from my three-days-a-week school is(are) a thief(no "f" eves). i was looking forward to the weekend, but not necessarily what i would be doing. it turned out ok in the end. and i met a plastic surgeon so i can probably get those double d's and maybe pull a jennifer grey. anyway. i'm generally tired.
i really know what anna (not the one recently married, the one who used to teach at my school until last month) means about having her kid grow up somewhere that isn't so...ummmhnm, uncouth like 1/3 of home.
if i really think about it...i can't fucking believe i'm in korea. and that ship sinking had me worrying about my cousin. he's alive. shaken and stirred, but still kicking. i don't think that reference/analogy (?) is particularly pertinent to the situation. i guess i'm used to people speaking korean, despite understanding near nothing of what they are saying, and speaking to me in butchered english. i know that second bit the best. i am an amateur expert. i think that's the biggest difference from when i've been abroad for a considerably long time. i was at least familiar with the languages in those places and, i'm a little sorry to say, was definitely more excited for for my voyages there. hmmm, it's just like home but on a massive scale of realistic-ness.

and i found a playable version of that love zombie game i talked about nearly two years ago! it's not as awesome as the summer one, i think, since you don't get to ride a speed boat or go parasailing. isn't digression the next best thing ever?

Lost oxford

i'm annoyed and stressed i can't find something i thought i had, i'm sure i had it...things always up and disappear around me. curses.
been feeling aggravated lately. it's a little of being babied + not eating what i'd like (my god, i miss chipotle and in and out and eagle rock fare...and whole foods) + still being alone + the stress of teaching. the constant sighs aren't a good sign, but they do transport me back home. how i do enjoy a good sigh (about how naive kids are, how awful my day has been, how i'm so generally unhappy, waiting for the bus, etc). mmm, i thought i'd nearly get shanked by a 2nd grader today. he took out his retractable razor-thing and was getting all rambo.
it was scary.

--One of those types; the submissive, good at cooking, prolly freak-ay ones

i can't fucking believe there are even more people here who think i'm married. couldn't make sense of it when accusations arose in l.a. it may have been even less logical when i was interrogated (..hahaha, lying is such a good way to make best friends and find out who's bimbo-tastic) in europe. the weird thing was i wasn't even wearing that ring that usually makes people think i've been cleaning/cooking/maintaining in a home and having that good ol' sex every night. People generally think i do the latter frequently....i wonder how i exude that sort of vibe (it's the quiet and mysterious aspect of my mien)?
onto whatever it was i wanted to put here. today. my first day teaching at the last school i've been assigned. i really totally loved the kids there. they were so well behaved and knew english so much better than my other students..i had the most fun conducting a draw and spell game with my fifth and sixth graders. *sigh* i need to bring candy next time for the winning team. on that note, my monetary funds are diminishing. the weekend really killed it and i feel awful having people to pay for me (especially the sneaky kinds, it's like i'm back home watching middle aged family members go cut throat for the bill at a restaurant).

since i been in hamyang, i feel as if i never have enough time for anything anymore. maybe my priorities are all mixed up. there just ain't no time.

teacher, teacher

i was so stressed today. so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so (yes, i'm typing this) stressed. It turned out all righht. I only really taught one class kinda on my own and it was my favorite: kindergarten~! most of them knew their abcs and could count to ten. that was awesome--plus they are super adorable. i hope to get pictures of them sooonn (i loved this little girl with pigtails~~so cute!! and she would raise her hand and say stuff about stuff from my mini ppt intro). 1st/2nd grade was hard to deal with...those boys were a naughty bunch. dancing/jumping/not participating/playing during the lesson. i tried to discipline/get them in order, but they dared to defy me! god..i'm really not accustomed to being an authority figure and being in the teacher's seat feels so weird (i was about to say wrong). fourth grade is a little better, they understand the englishes quite well. they were singing an "i can" song (it might've been from barney...which i watched today. freaked me out a little). i think next time i could be on my own more, but i get stuck with cristal i'd be a little more relieved and make lesson plans with her. damn, why don't i have a fucking korean scholar? but..it's a helluva lot easier to talk with her and she's teaching me korean.

A conversationalist knows you gotta reciprocate

it was quite pleasant today (except for lunch, i'm really not liking lunch on weekdays). i think a lot of it was attributed to being with crystal during my time at school rather than "david" and his afrocized, froggish teach pal. i actually did some form of work, on my lesson plans for the next week or so. i think it's pretty official: i like the kids at my main school the best. they are mostly

a)cute
b)nice (to me and at least from what i've experienced..)
c)eager to learn english

some, what do call em...read-thru/grammar/spell checks were requested and definitely a bitch to try and fix. it was a lot like high school. i heard a sad story that truly got me on the verge of near tears. i kinda wish i hadn't asked some things..back. i'm wondering how tomorrow will go.

i had a mr. mackey moment and stumbled on this bit (not said by him)--

It is sometimes hard, in times like
these, to understand God's way. Why
would he allow nine innocent people
to be run down in the prime of their
lives by a senior citizen who, perhaps,
shouldn't be driving? It is then that
we must understand, God's sense of humor
is very different from our own. He does
not laugh at the simple "man walks into
a bar" joke. No, God needs complex irony
and subtle farcical twists that seem
macabre to you and me. All that we can
hope for is that God got his good laugh
and a tragedy such as this will never
happen again.

Make ya speaks a good Englisher; unicorns

oh my fucking god. i had my first class today and i didn't think it would be that difficult to do since i sat in & participated in a real class earlier in the day, but--like this doesn't routinely happen--i was WRONG. i didn't know they expected me to just start teaching, getting all the kids together and stuff...it was overwhelming because i was so unprepared...(that fault is all mine). most of those kids, especially the third and fourth graders i had today, were a rowdy bunch who wouldn't listen to me. they really kinda pissed me off. ending my rather horrid day at work was receiving a phone call from a certain somebody i've been meaning to contact and was going to today--it was just so fucking weird that he sorta read my mind/was thinking the same thing, all psychic about it, and i got a ring from him in one of the more awkward locations (ie: in the backseat of a teacher's car while he was giving me a ride home). luckily only one other person was adept in english and didn't know who i was talking to so (and could prolly understand my predicament) he didn't really care. the uncomfortableness got kicked up a notch when i had to have a little looksee at that other english teacher's house. very, very strange because i was still, rudely i speculate, on the phone with that guy.

looking forward to teaching tomorrow? um...at least this time i have an idea in mind.

boobs are the national symbol of power in my country. Not South Korea.

i am here in hamyang. a small, unexciting from my experience thus far, and generally older people populated ville. i found out this week that i must teach at three different schools. oh. what. the fuck. i really wish they had informed me earlier, like when i found out where i would be going. i shoulda given a preference as to where i wanted to be situated (like actual civilization and my family in those places). but. what's done is done and will be here until the end of july. if i really think about, i can't even begin to fathom how i'll survive here. i'm sooo relieved i'm not living in this town alone and that the people from the program are fluently korean. i'm still working on my basic talking and understanding skills--honestly, i know nothing!
i'll be starting to teach on mon. anxious more than excited. there are so many things i don't know that i need to know before i go in a room with little kids who will barely understand what i'm saying...

anyway, back to the basic practices of this blog:


this is the view from my apt. i like the cloudy mountain feature, it's asianically cinematic..kinda.
even though i've been in south korea for over a month, it still doesn't feel like i'm in korea. it's difficult to explain; it's as if i'm in an alternate universe that brings me back to my childhood...when i was with my mom and other koreans...usually in a religious or familial setting. except this time she's not here to explain and, uh, defend, in a way. oh mans. there have been numerous odd occurrences. some of them are a result of word mix ups. hm. it's just...a distantly familiar feeling.

Constantly asked QXNs

this post is serious. it will be an explanation. because everybody keeps fucking wondering and asking and what not about these topics regarding my personal life. so, i'mma talk about why...i can't really speak or understand korean and tagalog. when i was a wee one the first language i learned was english. this is beacuse it was the common language my parent knew and i was born in america so..it was a necessity. when i attained more communicative comprehension, my mum put me into a korean learning program...and, to be frank, i hated it. i couldn't get the writing, i was making letters backwards and getting so frustrated with the little quizzes my teacher would give--when i think about it now, the way i was being taught wasn't the right way for me. it was a class that was teaching korean to kids who probably already spoke it a lot at home, but just needed to improved their vocabulary and learn some grammar points. i never spoke korean at home (except maybe 엄마) at that age and i guess that's what made the class so difficult for me. and none of my friends, that i saw daily, spoke korean so i thought, "what the fuck? i don't need to learn this, no one but mom will know what i'm saying." yeah. that's totally changed now.
since i am filipino, people will always assume that i know tagalog. i don't~but i really wish i did know. i would ask my dad to teach me and his reply was always, "it's too difficult. you don't need to know it anyway because they speak english in the philippines." it seemed as if he was ashamed of his language, his heritage, since he wasn't willing to pass it down to me. also, the majority of my cousins on papa's side are able to understand the language (most are full flip, anyhow and easily picked up stuff) and i feel so ostracized when they're all referencing a word and i don't understand. alls i can say is food, yet i don't even know most of them...
so! since i was forced to learn korean and basically banned from learning tagalog, it left english as the only means to communicate with both my parents. in my life, as i can remember thus far, i have never really felt really korean or filipino or ...american(??) although i know i used to identify myself with filipinos when i was younger (it was an issue involving who i hung around and liked more). this led me to adopt other culturalish identities..sorry, that's the best explanation i can think up of right now. i opted to learn other languages (comme nihongo, french, spanish, in the process of italiano) and to take part in acting like said speaking people. i adore traveling as well..and i sure as hell don't want to spend the rest of my days in u.s.

that's the best i can come up with overall. god, it made so much more sense in my brain and a few days/weeks ago when first realized these things.

the next topic will probably involve boyfriend/relationship stories. in detail.

is this the longest post of '10?