youth follies

this a day seen less than once in a full moon.

more cracker than animal.
i don't know if this is significant at all, especially to those who've never met me in real life...but i cried myself to sleep last night and i woke up with tears in my eyes. That has never happened before, sadness enveloping me and ruining my day before i even remember i have phonology homework due in a few hours (that usually sends me into a fanatic panic mode where I try to rationalize and think out problem sets intended for a week's worth of pondering). In actuality, the event reducing me to this extreme reaction of misery set off a chain reaction of realizations of related incidents.

Loneliness, though tolerable, takes its toll and being abandoned doesn't help.
Rationalizing and connecting on the micro-scale have little use for me now if i'm just going to get fucked up (and not in the way i want).

Gimme some loving

it's that time of the year..for blood-coloured things and hearts aplenty. I miss the simpler interpretations of this holiday, elementary school-times where it was all about the candy, but not those shitty little hearts.


and getting valentines with x-men characters declaring adoration (eg."you're magnetic", "let me read your mind/i was thinking the same thing", "i feel your burning gaze/and i like it") for you from your secret crush (though you totally knew he sent the same one to all the other girls in the class and you still treasured the piece of paper).

it was fun, relatively harmless, inclusive, and...delicious. Maybe it's still delicious to me now, the only consistent aspect, whenever i happen to be the recipient of candies/chocolates/edible things.

Particularly jaded. And lonely. For the time being I will derive pleasure from viewing this: