It's beginning to look a lot like..failure

since i'm failing in school right now (unintentionally for the first time! it was supposed to really matter! ugh~i'm trying, too!), i don't feel at all positive. there's too much pressure riding on me/this; all these people, some of who i don't even know that well and have made me their honorary "adopted" daughter (why do the majority of my parents' friends have sons? re: deadline for marriage/babies). overwhelming!
at least i'm 2/3 done with my finals. they weren't horrible to take, but the overall accumulation of "work" i've submitted will ultimately be my downfall.
sometimes i wish i went to art school. like, the one in sf or something; they always used to send me stuff about what was being offered, why it was ok to go there...etc. all the more fueling my case for an oh-7 reepeat.

oh, i should take all this into my own hands and at least be pleased with what i'm fucking up.

holly jolly heat waves!

hullloo december! i'm desperate to break out sweaters and scarves and boots and other woolly apparel, but the weather is pms-ing, going all crazy, fluctuating like an ocd on crack. that's the best analogy i can think of that stills maintains resonance and relevance. i've seriously come to dislike this time of year. it's the end, it don't feel like it should, and these goddamn christmas songs. i really don't like to hear those melodies in december, i find it base and have rightly connected them to the mind controlling higher-ups who've taken commercializing to a different stratosphere. maybe it's just me..for the past few years the lines between thanksgiving and christmas have blurred into a gradient not unlike those seen in the works of rothko. i'm getting ahead of myself; it's the realization that i've accomplished so little this year, as before, and i'm not doing ANYTHING. can you relate? i feel as if i ain't oing anywhere and this whole back-to-school stint as a student is seriously not cutting it for me.

I said, "Where's the white stuff?"

i can't believe it's already the end of november~! it feels really weird, like, time passed by so sloooowly. i can't relate that in terms the general public can understand, but...i guess it reminds me of my time spent in korea...hmm. ah, getting too nostalgic. anyway, more stress about school and thinking and just patiently looking forward to finishing. ok. hmmmm. i have too much on my mind, distractions abound. and comics, oh my gosh, COMICS are totally sucking up my precious time with their engaging visuals and entertaining story lines...

since i've been here at school, the full quarter here, it just isn't..like.eeeehhmmm..it's hard for me to explain, or even openly admit what it's like on here (i reserve that for my arbitrary collection of 'this'es). it's almost like i had such grand expectations, but it's not that different from what i left behind, in all cases. i suppose that anything i set out for and eventually reach will end up being a sort of let down (with the exception of travel..the greatest memories are made in other countries!)..ah, ok. Other things? it's quite chilly in my place these evenings. the "heater" doesn't seem to improve my conditions plus it's so obscenely loud. at least my internet connection has been reliable for the last few weeks. yay. but i might be speaking too soon.
And. It's probably bad to long for someone who is preoccupied with ...another? shits. stupid influential media and deadline for marriage/babies. damn it all.

on black friday eve

thanksgiving. i remember days when i used to post about joe namath. yeah. i know i've been gone for a good while--it's because i'm busy with unimportant things that turn out to be super important and i end up being m.i.a. (from internet life, at least) to complete my duties.

i feel totally stuffed with horrible things. and, like, it hurts.
it's such a sickening sensation...that really transports me back to my childhood.
and thinking about tomorrow. yeah, it's disappointing, upsetting, and ...nauseating. cheers to those taking part in its newly minted "festivities".

Toking super mas.tur.bat.ion

oh shitzles. that was so funny. i need to share it with whatever limited audience i gather. can you imagine how that comes about? pun definitely intended. onto less humorous stuff.

i am still considering ideas i initially had in '07...and taking them to the next level. maybe, maybe it'll be the best thing i ever did and i can float away...indiscreetly. Or i need to get my feet back on the ground, suck it up, and finish what i started so i can get on with life. do you know how conflicted i am? can you even imagine?
at least the quarter is almost over and i can revel in the multitude of tests that i can only complete 17% of.
the reality of faux'demics. can't deal with it.

and since there hasn't been good ol' media to spruce up your attention:

Done did what had to be do'd

i'm feeling a little better. i turned in that durn research paper for comm today. and at this very moment i'm having derivation epiphanies. seems my academic concerns can be put on hold. this month has been so stressful--i'm transported back to a time where school mattered and i (kinda) cared and i was acting all responsible. it's not exactly the same level of attentiveness.

i am so fatigued by education.
seriously having the same considerations as 07.
maybe since i've done a shitload since then and i'm a little older...but, i guess i should just finish this, eh?
ahhhhhh...this perseverance thing is wearing me to the bone.

ice cream chips and hos LEEGT

it's three days into the new month. it feels like the end of august. i'm stressed out and wallowing in the fifth circle of hell. figuratively speaking. a distraction to these necessary endeavors has been cyrano de bergerac. he's hilarious! well, i think so when i read his parts. i can just imagine the spectacle.
ehm. my life is going along, without major retributions for the abundance of nothingness i've accomplished. i'm patiently, ever so, waiting for the end of december. school will be on vacay, it should be cooler (like, normal fall weather we'd have been feelin in october), and people i like will visit.

i expect to be disappointed. i mean, i'll be hopeful until the time arrives, but there is a persistent sense telling me that this future event to look forward to might be..not so great.
other topics on my mind: how i'm stuck in the mire and longing for a means of escape.