Done did what had to be do'd

i'm feeling a little better. i turned in that durn research paper for comm today. and at this very moment i'm having derivation epiphanies. seems my academic concerns can be put on hold. this month has been so stressful--i'm transported back to a time where school mattered and i (kinda) cared and i was acting all responsible. it's not exactly the same level of attentiveness.

i am so fatigued by education.
seriously having the same considerations as 07.
maybe since i've done a shitload since then and i'm a little older...but, i guess i should just finish this, eh?
ahhhhhh...this perseverance thing is wearing me to the bone.

ice cream chips and hos LEEGT

it's three days into the new month. it feels like the end of august. i'm stressed out and wallowing in the fifth circle of hell. figuratively speaking. a distraction to these necessary endeavors has been cyrano de bergerac. he's hilarious! well, i think so when i read his parts. i can just imagine the spectacle.
ehm. my life is going along, without major retributions for the abundance of nothingness i've accomplished. i'm patiently, ever so, waiting for the end of december. school will be on vacay, it should be cooler (like, normal fall weather we'd have been feelin in october), and people i like will visit.

i expect to be disappointed. i mean, i'll be hopeful until the time arrives, but there is a persistent sense telling me that this future event to look forward to might be..not so great.
other topics on my mind: how i'm stuck in the mire and longing for a means of escape.

Oh. monsters run amuck.

it's that scary candy day again! i missed a costumed pay-party on friday night.
thoughts on what i wanted to be this year: cleopatra, a beatnik, tuxedo mask. i settled on Odile from bande à part. simply the easiest to dress as. theoretically speaking, i would totally go as her. for, uh, the third year i ain't got nothing.
i'm not even expecting andy comas. oh, it's a shame i don't get the free candy as much as i used to.

Seduction from the man of my land, "Blow my fairy dust."

there's no way around it. today was a shitty day. right from the moment i got up and through the classes and, well, right now is relaxing, but every precedent has been unfavorable. it was the revenge of the toilet (accompanied by rogue toilet paper) that started my early morning. that may have been the most involved bathroom incident i have ever been in...but it wasn't as embarrassing as that time in heathrow airport. in philosophy, the esteem i held for my professor all but diminished when he said, "I always thought Tinkerbell was hot." Sure, it gets laughs from the kids, but really? Truthfully? A fairy fetish for true or an early morning joke to wake us up? The world will never know. Ah, linguistics. After practicing how to do all three islands in the three different movement things, i realized which ones i was having difficulty with (damn wh- islands and you topicalizations and it-clefting). Since i was already having a horrid day i figured, a little jokingly, that we'd have that kind of shit on the quiz. Lo and behold, my pretties, a TOPICalization of a WH- ISLAND ensued. And i fucked it up royally--i didn't follow the instructions at all...although i'm quite sure i got the general idea of it down pat.

Ahh. I predict more shittiness before the end of the day. Don't know how or when, but it's-a coming.

and to tag on a little something related to the last bit of the last post: i need to concentrate on what's going on now. like i give a fuck about what might have developed. surely there will be better. surely someone diluted. man, being patient all these years has got me worked up.
sarcastically noting emphasized: it's wonderful to hear so many people are getting on with their merry lives and actually accomplishing the beginning hurdles associated with life goals. good for you.

draffing, dragging along

my, I feel as if this week passed by rather quickly, even more so than I prefer. I think it had to do with the studying and trying to figure out damn derivations and still stressing over things I should have been doing well over three weeks ago. On the upside, I’ve been gradually committing to personal linkage (on a familiar scale). It’s not terrible or overwhelming if done with restraint and an “open mind”. Getting fixes a few times throughout the 5-day school week has been serving me fine.
What’s been fairly nice thus far is the weather. I relish in the coolness and the rain that’s been visiting. I’m dreaming of snow (too early?), but knowing where I really am that is impossible. Seeing as I’m not focusing on what I should be (reading up on that mass media and still trying to figure out what I’ll be comparing), I suppose I can divulge in a few things that have caught my interest (good or …stupid.)

fb can be a nice way to talk to friends in far away places and find out when stuff is going on (or..who and who have got it on), but I find this utterly unnecessary because
a) you can do it yourself
b) it costs money
c) it immortalizes a profile picture, a constantly changing thing (well, will you print & pay every time someone changes their pic, presumably to something better?)

and here are paintings that look like something j.d. ingres would've done if he listened to the sex pistols or black flag. it's fine art based on hardcore.

um. i guess that's all i really found in the past few days.

lastly, i don't think i'll feel right until i admit this:
i just need to say it. "i miss you." every goddamn time i see some asian guy with slightly squinty eyes peeking from behind thick framed glasses with their black hair vaguely obscuring their line of vision (and a lit cigarette hanging between slack lips)--it makes me sick with longing..again.

it's my (birthday) party... i'll cry cuz i want to

seeing as it's my birthday, it appears logical to make a fit about how old i'm getting. well, not so. in all respects to time and how all-powerful it disguises itself as, i'm just the same. nice as that sounds, i've perverted it into a negative aspect that i must rid myself of.

didn't get what i wanted this year, like that matters nor is it the focal point about this. all i'm thinking is today was a genuine upset. i mean, surprises can go awry and...yes. the better part of my day turning 20-something was munching cake in candlelight while trying to get my internet to work.


delicious frustration. the cake was choco. it was funny how sometimes the candle looked like milk...but no.
and have you heard chilly willy? dancing goodness.

oh well. hoping for better next year. again.

is it real ?

another year for three in a roww. heeeyy! i'm saving deeper stuff for tomorrow, but there isn't anything wrong with me discussing modern life.

not much to say, right? hmm, i suppose a decent teacher evaluation might be due (circa 2008)
philosophy. i had no idea math could be so poetic. reallly. i couldn't even fathom sentences could literally be transmuted into sequences encompassing everything i've feared from mathematics. i'm not a fan of this class (not every bit of socrates is used literally, but there is stlll god existence things going on). the professor is definitely my favorite, though. he's the kind of person who doesn't teach or explain very well, but tries to joke around and make the class enjoyable (kinda works, everyone's pretty much asleep since our class starts rather eeearly--the mtp dog was rather good!). i think i like him much more as a person. such an adorable old guy..you don't really get them these days.


he basically looks like this, but his name is NOT noam chomsky.
my other two profs are...about the same level regarding how much what i think of them/the class. ..it's what i imagine to be the same.

i'm disappointed to be learning that languages are being stripped from their ambiguity and elegance to be dissected in a manner to be understood. pshh. i kinda don't wanna be majoring this.