mew two all, a grim ant.

The first month is over. Maaan. One thing I have contemplated recently is doing posts dedicated to a certain topic, a specific one, in the vein of the only blog i have no shame admitting i follow because it is so gotdang good and universally appealing.
I want to reveal aspects of my life that I can't easily bring myself to discuss with anyone..for reasons i refuse to disclose in this space. but if i ever get close enough to somebody (in the span of days, months, years, lifetimes), that person will develop a better understanding regarding these personal matters..and get to hear the droning of my awesome voice. because it's so good.
these thinkings are best expressed through "writing". it comes out clearer, i think.
i'm planning to make this a, umm, occasional thing, a post to look forward to with some coherency.

i wont grow up

i wonder. these days have been going by like...it's so painstakingly..slow, maybe? they're too long for their own good. perhaps all the obligations i have to fulfill are making my daily activities seem weighted, much more so than usual. alas, i trudge on and emit an overly pensive manner, which i suppose is sometimes construed as a bit sad, and fantasize about doing other things (people? no, i don't suppose so..or, not as often as i used to..but! I digress.) I'm so eager to finish up this undergrad life yet i know i do not have definite plans for the near future. ideas, vaguely, but actions i'm seriously considering are probably nil.

i know i'm getting older. i can't be having this 17 year old mindset forever, or, you know, this late teen way of thinking. transitioning into a state of indifference might not be the optimal reaction to this realization. i think i made an ultimatum to myself, with no consequence, that i would be more decisive. it's not happening at the right rate..the onset of an incentive as a motivation.
well, that's all i'd like to discuss for the end of this month. oh man.