She's in a lonely world

when i woke up this morning, the first thing i thought was, "there are two days i hate more than anything that come once a year: my birthday and new year's day." i think the worst aspect of these two, isolated days is the fact that you hope it will be better; an improvement from yesterday or a year ago, it can only ever be better. in a few cases this happens and you're happy while it lasts and you think, "gee, birthdays/new year's days are grand!". then there are times when the lingering feeling of stagnation or something worse happening creeps in and creep it does. my birthdays have always been in the second category for a long time. the last time i had a slimmer of a good time during my own birthday was probably when i was ten...or that time when i wasn't surprised at my surprise birthday party (a most failed attempt).
In the grand tradition of my birthday, it was the same this year of bits of boring (no singing, however) and disdain. the most exciting aspect of today, and i have been pondering this for the longest time, is the date. it's 10, 11, 12. all the numbers lined up so nicely, that's what makes today so special, a birthday that was meant to be special.

 the day started out pleasant, but by the early afternoon rain had started to fall and soon turned into a thunder and lightening bonanza. i have no qualms with rain, i quite like it, rather, and where i'm at now we need all the rain we can get.

look how lovely and and gloomy and wet it was. perfect weather to match my upset...i mean, languid feeling towards today. 

Here are a few of the things i got (?):

Some cards and a vampire cupcake. This clearly isn't like this. Sorry about that. I liked the vampire cupcake.

Adorable isn't it? Bloody fangs and all.

Having taken a bite out of him, i must say he's tasty. A bit too sweet, though. 
This day could have been so much better (especially with the rain! I have so much to do with someone in the rain...) and I hope next time it will be. Would someone care to make today happy?

For the time being I'm feeling ever so ancient. 

the difficulties

recently, i have been having the worst time trying to fall asleep at night. i would say this started in the summer, probably due to...ehm, the most stressful events ever, and here i am months later, suffering the fallout. urrrgh. two nights ago was the most dreadful as of late; tossing and turning in the dark occurred whilst i hoped closing my eyes would make me nod off. well, that clearly didn't work. it took me hours to find a comfortable position and tired enough to let the day go. the possibility of me having problems, mentally/physically, is great, do you not think?
and there's the trouble that comes when i do sleep: these dreams.
dreams of pure horror and unimaginable ecstasy (re: this and sometimes my other dog, but mostly this) which often collide into a scary, unappealing adventure in my subconscious.
these are things i do not understand. hoping these become more infrequent.

of my Dreams

i always hoped to find the great love of my life in a haphazard fashion, some silly scenario where i trip, fall, and get helped by a mysterious person who asks, "Are you All Right?" and we share a happy life for however long it lasts.
yes, it's silly. No, nothing of that sort has ever happened (crossing my fingers it does). this brings me to the actual subject of this shindig. i apologize for implying i plan to run around in the streets, falling on my face to get anyone to help me (a tall man, exclusively from northern england or scotland). these nights have been filled with odd dreams. i haven't experienced any of this sort in over ten years. and you know david tennant? he was the tenth doctor on doctor who and i think he's quite attractive for an older man and the only reason i knew who he was was because he had just finished a tour of hamlet with patrick stewart whilst i had been in england. anyway, i never watched doctor who, ever, but i did like david tennant before i started and kept this picture to gaze upon.

what i mean to say is a few of my dreams have revolved around me and the doctor. the last two recent doctors (oh! the things the 11th doctor did to me! utterly not at all very horrible). i think it's because of all the doctor who i have watched, aliens and time travel and stuff on the brain make me want to act them out in my dreams.
that's my analysis.
i can't believe he's scottish. and he married his "daughter"!!!