Oh. monsters run amuck.

it's that scary candy day again! i missed a costumed pay-party on friday night.
thoughts on what i wanted to be this year: cleopatra, a beatnik, tuxedo mask. i settled on Odile from bande à part. simply the easiest to dress as. theoretically speaking, i would totally go as her. for, uh, the third year i ain't got nothing.
i'm not even expecting andy comas. oh, it's a shame i don't get the free candy as much as i used to.

Seduction from the man of my land, "Blow my fairy dust."

there's no way around it. today was a shitty day. right from the moment i got up and through the classes and, well, right now is relaxing, but every precedent has been unfavorable. it was the revenge of the toilet (accompanied by rogue toilet paper) that started my early morning. that may have been the most involved bathroom incident i have ever been in...but it wasn't as embarrassing as that time in heathrow airport. in philosophy, the esteem i held for my professor all but diminished when he said, "I always thought Tinkerbell was hot." Sure, it gets laughs from the kids, but really? Truthfully? A fairy fetish for true or an early morning joke to wake us up? The world will never know. Ah, linguistics. After practicing how to do all three islands in the three different movement things, i realized which ones i was having difficulty with (damn wh- islands and you topicalizations and it-clefting). Since i was already having a horrid day i figured, a little jokingly, that we'd have that kind of shit on the quiz. Lo and behold, my pretties, a TOPICalization of a WH- ISLAND ensued. And i fucked it up royally--i didn't follow the instructions at all...although i'm quite sure i got the general idea of it down pat.

Ahh. I predict more shittiness before the end of the day. Don't know how or when, but it's-a coming.

and to tag on a little something related to the last bit of the last post: i need to concentrate on what's going on now. like i give a fuck about what might have developed. surely there will be better. surely someone diluted. man, being patient all these years has got me worked up.
sarcastically noting emphasized: it's wonderful to hear so many people are getting on with their merry lives and actually accomplishing the beginning hurdles associated with life goals. good for you.

draffing, dragging along

my, I feel as if this week passed by rather quickly, even more so than I prefer. I think it had to do with the studying and trying to figure out damn derivations and still stressing over things I should have been doing well over three weeks ago. On the upside, I’ve been gradually committing to personal linkage (on a familiar scale). It’s not terrible or overwhelming if done with restraint and an “open mind”. Getting fixes a few times throughout the 5-day school week has been serving me fine.
What’s been fairly nice thus far is the weather. I relish in the coolness and the rain that’s been visiting. I’m dreaming of snow (too early?), but knowing where I really am that is impossible. Seeing as I’m not focusing on what I should be (reading up on that mass media and still trying to figure out what I’ll be comparing), I suppose I can divulge in a few things that have caught my interest (good or …stupid.)

fb can be a nice way to talk to friends in far away places and find out when stuff is going on (or..who and who have got it on), but I find this utterly unnecessary because
a) you can do it yourself
b) it costs money
c) it immortalizes a profile picture, a constantly changing thing (well, will you print & pay every time someone changes their pic, presumably to something better?)

and here are paintings that look like something j.d. ingres would've done if he listened to the sex pistols or black flag. it's fine art based on hardcore.

um. i guess that's all i really found in the past few days.

lastly, i don't think i'll feel right until i admit this:
i just need to say it. "i miss you." every goddamn time i see some asian guy with slightly squinty eyes peeking from behind thick framed glasses with their black hair vaguely obscuring their line of vision (and a lit cigarette hanging between slack lips)--it makes me sick with longing..again.

it's my (birthday) party... i'll cry cuz i want to

seeing as it's my birthday, it appears logical to make a fit about how old i'm getting. well, not so. in all respects to time and how all-powerful it disguises itself as, i'm just the same. nice as that sounds, i've perverted it into a negative aspect that i must rid myself of.

didn't get what i wanted this year, like that matters nor is it the focal point about this. all i'm thinking is today was a genuine upset. i mean, surprises can go awry and...yes. the better part of my day turning 20-something was munching cake in candlelight while trying to get my internet to work.


delicious frustration. the cake was choco. it was funny how sometimes the candle looked like milk...but no.
and have you heard chilly willy? dancing goodness.

oh well. hoping for better next year. again.

is it real ?

another year for three in a roww. heeeyy! i'm saving deeper stuff for tomorrow, but there isn't anything wrong with me discussing modern life.

not much to say, right? hmm, i suppose a decent teacher evaluation might be due (circa 2008)
philosophy. i had no idea math could be so poetic. reallly. i couldn't even fathom sentences could literally be transmuted into sequences encompassing everything i've feared from mathematics. i'm not a fan of this class (not every bit of socrates is used literally, but there is stlll god existence things going on). the professor is definitely my favorite, though. he's the kind of person who doesn't teach or explain very well, but tries to joke around and make the class enjoyable (kinda works, everyone's pretty much asleep since our class starts rather eeearly--the mtp dog was rather good!). i think i like him much more as a person. such an adorable old guy..you don't really get them these days.


he basically looks like this, but his name is NOT noam chomsky.
my other two profs are...about the same level regarding how much what i think of them/the class. ..it's what i imagine to be the same.

i'm disappointed to be learning that languages are being stripped from their ambiguity and elegance to be dissected in a manner to be understood. pshh. i kinda don't wanna be majoring this.

the edu brief. white and tight?

what a change in weather. it feels like fall now. the question i seem to be getting a lot of these days is, "how's school?" i tend to reply, "it's ok." and inside i'm really thinking what i'm saying. in any scenario, i figure school is school and being here is no different from old college days, etc. also being no stranger to these stranger times, avec tous ces mecs.

however pleasant the weather has been, outbursts of rain and the gradual increase in coolness, i still wish it were more frigid. i've lately realized my birthday is coming up quick (the notion of getting another year older skipped my mind indefinitely for some reason). i can't fathom how old i've gotten and how much in common i have with most of the living venture family. thinking too much about the future and continuing to stare out windows during lectures (should there be any in the room). dreaming of those far off locales, the different countries i've tasted and long to savor to the fullest extent.
it almost comes off as perverse, that last part, don't it?

upon the start of this academic year, i've returned to pere goriot. everything in it still rings ridiculously true, but i want to change a few ideas that have plagued me.

par exemple:

"We are as hard on a feeling for showing itself too completely as we are on a man for not having any money."

and, you know, i'm like vautrin so, indeed.