feelin' FINE

it's one week until my birthday. what shit.
i've discovered that i can no longer apply for winter semester/quarter at university--i guess i misunderstood the deadline. probably also since i didn't delve into the website to get more information. i feel like an idiot. however, this gives me the option to reevaluate where i want to go (nyc is my first choice regarding location, the only question is will i get in? next is berkley then l.a.).
i have no idea what the fuck i'm gonna be doing after this semester. i'd like to eventually be hired or intern or something to get out of this garish place. it continues to suck the life out of me. my number one choice for interning is the aiu thing in london or paris (only in the summer)...but it's more about money then and i'm not too sure i'll have any/much left should i continue my school shit here.
looking back, i gotta helluva lotta regrets. i never fucking shoulda gone to ucsc...i have no pride so it wouldn't have fucking mattered if i went to a goddamn uc. shit. i'm overly spiteful. this is even more of the worst i've ever had. my god, if there is such a thing.
the only thing i'm proud of regarding the last few days is my diligence in completing some stuff to send in.
i apologise for the ranting here. my speculation is that no one really reads this or if one should stumble in this page, has the inclination to read any of the posts. i don't know what to do, but i want to travel like my life depended on it. while looking cute and pretty. forever transient. there isn't anything else anyone can do to fix it.