Long Ago, but Far Away

First, I feel like an idiot for going on hiatus for YEARS. Not even a month or two, but fucking years. It's true I have been busy, even now this is the first time I've had the chance to breath and catch up on my existence in nearly two years. I've had to transition into the realm of a working adult and it is absolute hell. Money is nice, but it's not enough for what one goes through.
It was weird because I was thinkng about this blog, so I went and read my older posts. I remember fawning over British "indie" bands and my nonexistent, unrequited infatuation with Alex Turner. That recording of TLSP gave me the chills. He is still quite the cute musician with his long hair and swinging 60s style. I'm at a point in my life where I don't know anything about new music trends. My ears gravitate towards podcasts about history and strife, interconnecting the then and now and why we keep repeating ourselves. If you're at all interested in that, please do check out NPR's Throughline
It's so surreal to be back in Korea, to live here, after my inital part-time job a fucking decade ago. Even reading about that part where I admitted my feelings towards the friends that I made abroad and how I would eventually cease to remain in their consciousness... It really makes me wish having friends. On the bright side, I got in touch with someone from back then. So now life isn't completely lonely. It's just soul-crushingly stressful.
I hope to remember to occasionally make a sardonic and irreverent post from now on. I honestly believe this was the pinnacle of my nonsensical, contrived writing phase and I can't get enough of it. I miss writing. I miss quipping. I long to string nonsensical ideas and daily events together.
Oh yeah.

Rules Redux

So. I finally read the Bret Easton Ellis novel The Rules of Attraction.
I watched the movie a while ago. I blogged about it. I posted the Victor+Europe montage. I filled with admiration to be Lauren/Shannyn Sossamon.
So, found the book in a thrift store. There was one other book I saw penned by Ellis, but I only picked this one. If anything, after reading it I want to go back to college and think about how I can socially fuck with others while damaging my heart in the process.

I forgot how confusing and enjoyable life can be. I miss going to lectures where I laugh 20% of the time and don't understand the content the other 75%. The saving grace is the 5% that makes me feel confident to think I know what's going on because I fantasize about other things. The book was a different experience; getting to know all the characters intimately in their heads, understanding the motives and desires they truly have. It was better to imagine them as more attractive or scummy. What I also liked was the way the book and movie presented these events, all in a cyclical way. There is no true ending. They're all trapped in this perpetual depression and struggle leading to a less than pleasant result. Will hae to read the book again to feel like I'm having a not so shitty life.

Hot Time Plans

Summer reading list:

the house of spirits
little birds
invisible man
the brothers karamazov
jane eyre
withering heights

tentative. possibly more if i actually read these things.

oh

it's a lot different now. whilst i anticipate the change and potential better future, i miss many things. sometimes i wallow in it. other times it's like nothing has changed. maybe a few more people are talking to me? i guess that's better? as i'm finished with important tasks that have been bothering me for years. anyway. i'm still alive.

it's got to be

on days like these, on most days, really, i like to listen to marvin gaye. maybe barry white would be a good option as well. sometimes i think it would be nice if someone sang nice songs to me.

it's valentine's day. let me rejoice in the candy, flower, and card-giving tradition this holiday brings! the only thing is....i didn't get anything from anybody regarding anything about the aforementioned things that are usually given. i'm not bitter. i don't care. but i was just thinking....if i had a someone special in my life, it would be pleasant to at least hear a sweet greeting even if this person was far off. ah, another valentine's day alone.

Makes Fonder

january certainly is a long month. i've even been busy with actually things which usually entails the sensation of time flying by (and it has in certain situations), but it's still january. at least the year is starting out well. i'm doing things and being old! it's more responsible than normal. i think it's surprising i've made three posts this month.
until recently, i was quite sure about how i felt and where things would go. then i did something kind of crazy that, well, it didn't exactly fuck up my life, but it created complications. what happened this past weekend: critical information was revealed! there was serious talking. i had my socks shocked off (literally)! at one point i wished for a time machine. now i'm confused and very sad. the entire experience was amazing, it was everything i wanted to know and to some extent do...it's just so late. i don't know what's going to happen. i know what i'd like to do. of course i could go on and on about this, it's seriously major, and it's actually a good news sort of thing, however more fitting for an elaborating of the written kind.

still the days

and so, the tides have changed. this really feels like a dream. and i'll wake up in a few hours disappointed and foaming at the mouth.